Why cheat?

@Optimisticempath I don't think cheating is as clear cut as some people make it out to be. Yes, I believe it's one of those things that have no room in relationships, but it's not always easy. 

Take a woman who's been married for 25 years to the same man. In the last couple of years, the marriage has not been in a good place and her husband only touches her about once or twice a year. She's emotionally drained, beat down from a man she has devoted 25 years to, and neglected. All her attemps at being intimate are ignored because her body has changed since they met. And in reality, her husband has become addicted to porn and masturbation in stead. What is this woman supposed to do? Should she remain in this sexless/no intimacy marriage? 

Now take a man who is a hardworking man. He does everything he needs to provide for his wife and kids. He does what a man is supposed to do and every time he tries to be romantic, his wife knocks his attempt. When he tries to be physical and intimate, his wife is with the same song "Honey, not tonight. I'm tired." He's constantly being nagged about how all he cares about is sex because he just wants to have that with his wife. But in reality, she isn't even giving him that. What should this man do? 

I make no excuses for either this man or this woman to go cheat. Feeling like your needs are not being need or actually having them not met isn't reason enough to step out of the marriage. But cheating is not always "I've fallen out of love with you." It's not always "I'm not attracted to you anymore." People cheat for all kids of reason and whatever the reason it... it is selfish. But so is withholding sex and intimacy from your spouse. 

When someone resorts to cheating, it's a sign there is something missing in the relationship. In reading your post, it's one of those things you can't fathom or wrap your head around one. I also hope it's one of those things you never experience. ♡

Opti, I love that you mentioned that cheating is more than just being physical. You are soooo very right. I have had numerous debates of whether physical/sexual cheating is worse than emotionally cheating. While both are wrong and hurtful, I've always been the one to believe emotional cheating is the worst kind because feelings and emotions are involved. But this is just my opinion. I'm the type that believe that cheating can be just about sex and nothing more. No feelings, no intimacy. 

At the end of the day, whatever the reason, it is hurtful and detrimental to relationships. But too, some people are able to work it out and overcome the cheating and move past it. ♡ It's just not always easy. 

Honestly I am also curious about why people are cheating. But some people think it is normal to love other people when they are already in a relationship. It is called polyamory, which is like an open relationship. I can’t imagine myself to be in such relationship.

For me, people cheats because it’s exciting! Like how forbidden fruits look very tempting. Like how you know something is wrong but you wanting it so bad. Scandalous. Like a side hobby that is fun to spend time to.

When someone cheats, for me they don’t love their spouse really much. Or appreciate them. Because if you love someone, you wouldn’t want to hurt them or lie to them. Honesty and communication is very important in a relationship. If we don’t like what our spouse do, tell them directly. Don’t do things at their back and then blame them for not being good enough etc

@Optimisticempath

There are so many reasons and it is NOT a one size fits all thing.  Look up Limerence to understand that too. 

So many will never understand unless they have been in those shoes.  Cheating also is defined differently by many the physical the emotional and what some label micro cheating.  People also seem to want one victim and a villain that is often not the case.  Cheating portrayed on movie/ tv and such often are in my opinion not accurate. 

The ideas suggested of just leave / divorce and or  have long meaningful conversations with partner ... This is example of may work on paper but not in real life.  Things are often  not clear cut. 

 When you tell someone their actions and attitude are driving you away and they are in a MH situation or stressed they do not say "Thanks for telling me i am an a&& !!!!  i will forget all i am going through to make YOU happy" 

Are there just people who are not committed and never stopped dating ..sure  but again NO one size fits all.   I never understood why those even go through a marriage or move in with someone leading them on to there are exclusive.... 

I was physically cheated on years ago  and now have a friend someone might label as an emotional thing.... i honestly although we had many many long talks about what happened years ago ,,, But I did not really understand until I was in a situation that i could see the line and considered crossing. 

When you try to explain......people who have no understanding can not see it and offer band-aid answers.... couples counseling is always mentioned but if both are NOT 100% in........ that is only like pouring money into a gym membership you will not use. 

     Unless you have felt the total disconnect ... unless you have met someone else that seems to Awaken up a part of you that you may not even known was there or has been dark for a LONG time.  If you have fallen out of love .... If you have felt LONELY while in the presence of your partner.  all things i would not wish on others. 

IF people did not change when we meet as we grow in life and experiences we grow and change  .... yes people grow apart.   The only people, IMO  who fare well in divorce is often lawyers ..... 

NONE of these things are excuses.  This is a small  glimpse of real experience  like you asked for.  

@Optimisticempath 🙁 it is a very sad thing to have happen to anyone😥 I've never dated anyone or been in a relationship, so I don't understand much about this either. I guess you can never truly know a person or their reasons, everyone's brain is different. But here I am to come give you a giant tiny hug ❤ hugs you tightly, I love you ❤