Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Trying to figure out what I’m feeling

resourcefulBirch849 February 17th, 2022

Hi and I apologise in advance if this is rambling or in the wrong place, I just needed somewhere to write this down to try and figure out what’s happening.


So as a bit of background, I am happily in a relationship with a woman (about 2 years, maybe) and all is good. She has a husband and I have lived with them both for about 6 years, we met at university and all lived together as friends to keep costs low and things developed from there.


Today they are going on a holiday for 4 days which will leave me home alone to look after the dogs. This is where the issue is; I just don’t know what I’m feeling. I have a fairly anxious attachment style and i know that sometimes I struggle being home and wanting to message but obviously not wanting to disturb them. We are all good friends and message a group chat regularly even when they are away but I don’t want to be the one to initiate if they are enjoying time away together but then also I don’t want to feel like I can’t message my own girlfriend.


I really don’t have any bad feelings about them being away together and in my opinion they need to go spend some time together as they’re both very busy. I think I’m just uneasy about the potential disconnection between myself and girlfriend and felling like I shouldn’t contact, or even anticipating that it will feel that way. I asked to spend a little more time than usual with her yesterday and she went above and beyond so I really don’t know where any of these feelings are coming from.


Again, I apologise for this just being my thoughts on a page but if anyone has any suggestions they will be great fully received. Thanks.

3
impartialVase5333 February 19th, 2022

I’m feeling a little like that now with my best friend. I want her to go out and have a life outside of me, but I feel anxious when she does. I don’t want to get in the way of her doing what she needs to do and having a life separate from me, but I am struggling w exactly what you described. I know I can text/call when she’s away, but I feel like a burden if I do- so I don’t.

impartialVase5333 February 19th, 2022

When I read your post, it felt like I wrote all that. I don’t know if I can offer any advice since I’m struggling with the same thing, but I can offer an ear and comfort that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

hisvampire February 19th, 2022

Okay! Breathe! This might not be the real feeling what u have for her..it's just that u guys have been together for a long time,knowing she is married and u chilled out. U kinda are dependent on the presence she gives. May be u are afraid or even shy to hangout with new group of friends. U kinda get comfortable with the ones u already know,cos they ain't gonna judge u. New people kinda take a lil while to gel and that might be the reason for y'all to break the shell. It's high time u come out. Start exploring,if you've got wings and still chose to walk around and then feel like nobody's around to take me on their back while they fly,that's indeed called lack of self esteem. So u guys better start flying.