The Blame Game

I realize that relationships are not easy and take work on the part of both participants. However, it can become an issue when one partner develops a problem dealing with how the other relates to them. What I mean is, when one is used to dealing with one type of person as opposed to dealing with someone totally different from what they are used to.

In my case, I have a boyfriend who is used to dating and having relationships with partners who are dependent on them for support; whether it's financial or emotional. I, however, have worked my entire life and have been dependent on myself for providing what I need financially and emotionally. This has caused problems within our relationship. I'm finding it difficult to relate to these qualities. I'm not looking for someone to support me. I can support myself. And yet, he insists on doing this. It has caused tension in our relationship as I will not give up working.

I have discovered that he tends to blame me for problems in our relationship. I counter that it's his way of thinking about his partner that causes a rift. I realize that his generation looks at things differently. But I refuse to give up any of the attributes I've learned. I'm not from his generation. I'm younger and I will always keep myself aware of how I want to be treated in any relationship; as an equal.

I'm beginning to think this may be about control. Albeit, very subtle control. I feel he views women needing to be taken care of. That is about as far from my way of seeing life as it can get. I want our relationship to work; but for it to work I need to make him understand that I'm an independent, strong, self-aware woman who doesn't need a provider or protector. This is basically the crux of the problem. I appreciate all who read and respond to my query.