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xandia
28,026 M Aiming High 9
PathStep 356 Compassion hearts7,594 Forum posts520 Forum upvotes773 Current upvotes773 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceJuly 28, 2021
Bio

I'm a medical professional at a university medical center and I work in the emergency department, open heart, and intensive care unit. I try to give my best to my patients as they deserve this from me and I demand it from myself. In these uncertain times, I try to give comfort to those afflicted with COVID-19 as best I can as they have no family that can come to see them.  Some things I enjoy in my off time are archery, horseback riding, cooking, baking, pets, music, reading, puzzles and games, day trips, longer trips, visiting family, and just relaxing at home with a big bowl of popcorn watching TV.












Recent forum posts
International Left Hander's Day, August 13.
General Support / by xandia
Last post
 August 12th, 2023
...See more To all my fellow left handers; I wish you a happy international left hander's day! I hope each and every one of you celebrate the day by showing the world even though we live in a right handed world, we left handers are malleable and show great adeptness to thrive in situations that are less than ideal for us. We are special, we have qualities that right handers don't have. I hope each and every one of you realize just how special and unique you are. Enjoy our day!! 👍 👉💖
It's so much harder to keep a relationship going when you're older.
Relationship Stress / by xandia
Last post
 April 26th, 2023
...See more I always lived with the assumption that relationships would become slightly easier as you aged. I felt that all the emotionally charged situations, the raging hormones, the extreme jealousy would lessen as one ages. But my assumptions are totally, completely, and immutably wrong. It is just as hard. Especially when someone is so deeply involved in the jealousy aspect. Even coming to Cups is suspect. I don't know if I can stay with someone who exhibits such fits or bouts of jealousy over a mental health site. I used to think some jealousy is healthy; especially when I was younger. Small amounts of it are ok with me. But when someone feels that every site you go to you are cheating on them, well, I think it's time to re-evaluate the situation. At my age I'm not as malleable or fluid as I was when in my teens to early 30's. I guess I'm a cockeyed optimist; I still hope to meet someone I can be compatible with, mesh with, and live a contented life with. I needed put this in writing because sometimes just saying it is not enough for it to get through to me. Thanx for reading/listening to me everyone. ❤️
My boyfriend has a problem with insecurity relating to my past
Relationship Stress / by xandia
Last post
 February 6th, 2023
...See more My boyfriend is in somewhat of a crisis. We were talking about past relationships when I mentioned how I had admired a picture of a young man who was in a magazine I used to receive 42 years ago. He suddenly went quiet and said that I made him feel emasculated because of my admiration of someone who is probably now older than me. I was 23 when I admired this picture. I told him that he was being jealous of a picture that was almost half a century old. And that I was very young at that time. He continued to say how emasculated he felt. I continued to say that this was an anxiety/insecurity issue. I told him this was due to nothing I had said or done. It related to the fact that he had issues with relationships he had in the past. I'm wondering where all this is coming from. I don't know what to say to all of this. I'd like to understand what is going on. I do realize that this has to relate to his past. I know I have done nothing to cause this to raise its ugly head. I'm at a loss what to say to him about this. I've never had anyone say that a picture from 42 years ago makes them jealous and emasculated. I'm beginning to think I need to take some time from this relationship and examine what I might be doing to cause this to occur. I've suddenly had more problems in this relationship that any I have ever had. I guess what I'm trying to say is I've reached a point in my life where I don't have the patience or time to give to this relationship. I have more time behind me than in front of me and I need to take that into consideration. He constantly asks me questions about maybe I should just hang up and go on with my life. So much self-depreciation in his questions and tone. He's always saying I can do better than him. It drives me nuts with his attitude. So I'll take that break from this relationship and see what I can see from a distance. 😞
Relationships are hard at any age.
Relationship Stress / by xandia
Last post
 January 24th, 2023
...See more I've never deluded myself into thinking that relationships get any easier as you age. Most people my age have long settled into a pattern that works not only for themselves but for their partner whether they are married or involved with someone. Your view of relationships change with time; I don't see relationships the same way as I did in my 20's, 30's, or 40's. I'm not in a big hurry to find someone at this point in my life. I realize that younger people look for someone to spend time with; to nurture each other, grow together as a couple. And that is what I also look for at my age. But I'm in my 60's; and my view of relationships is different. There are a lot of aspects that are common no matter what age you are. But when you have reached a certain age, you know what you need in a partner. Life has a way of changing how you view certain events and relationships are no different. I'm not concerned with having children, raising them, worrying over them. Those days are behind me. But I am most concerned with compatibility. It's become tantamount in my relationship. And, at this age, comes a lot of mental as well as emotional baggage you may not have had when you were younger. I don't have that urgency one has when starting out in a serious adult relationship. Taking time is something you have to have when you want your relationship to succeed. Something I have discovered of late is the fact that some people who involve themselves in relationships still haven't moved past what has happened in the past. My current partner is one of those. I have done my best to put relationships that didn't work out for whatever reason behind me and not attempted to put those thoughts and feelings on my current partner. But my partner is still playing the games he played in his twenties with the women he dated. The fact that he was married twice colors how he views our relationship. I don't have that view. I've never been married, therefore, I don't carry that baggage around with me. I admit I have relationship baggage. We all do. But I work hard at not placing it on him; he had nothing to do with how I was treated and how I felt at that time. But he has played games with my emotions and it can be hurtful. His passive-aggressive behavior has caused me to back pedal more than once from him. He, on the other hand, feels he has done nothing wrong and can't understand why I feel the way I do. He is intelligent, engaging, and a great person to be with. But he seems to have a knee-jerk reaction to everything I say or do when he acts this way. It is frustrating to try and attempt to explain to him why I am reacting this way. Sometimes I'm not sure if he knows what he is doing and waiting to see what reaction I will have. He's great at giving ultimatums and waiting to see what my reaction will be. I refuse to allow him to bait me into an argument. My dilemma is that we are great together except for this area. I am concerned when it comes to this type of behavior. I want him to understand that what he does has consequences with our relationship. I have tried various ways to convey how I feel when he does this. But I feel I am not making any headway in getting him to see the light. I needed to vent about this issue. I appreciate all who read and understand what I'm going through. Thank you for listening to me. 💔 💙 🔮
Anyone else have MTHFR?
Disability Support / by xandia
Last post
 March 5th, 2023
...See more Hi, I'm xandia or xan. I was wondering if anyone else has methyltetrahydrofolate reductase mutation, (MTHFR)? I have the heterozygous version. It would be nice to exchange experiences with others who have this condition whether heterozygous or homozygous. I know it can be a challenge to understand and keep tabs on how your condition impacts your life. I was diagnosed with this in 2005 and had to inform my family members on my paternal side of the mutation. Please let me know if you would like to chat here in the disability community. We can support each other. ❤️
He needs to move on.
Relationship Stress / by xandia
Last post
 October 4th, 2022
...See more I need him to move on and leave me alone. He is a classic narcissist in every sense of the word. And in my opinion passive aggressive as well. He broke up with me; in a text. Then decided to call me and do it all over again. He wished me a good life; sarcastically. Then hung up on me. I need to re-prioritize my life and see what I'm doing wrong to become involved with this type of person. The sooner I do this, the better my life will become especially with relationships. I'm tired of being hurt and feeling worthless. I know I shouldn't allow myself; but I'm attracted to a certain type of person. I really need to work on this instead of burying my head in the sand. xandia❤️
Out of the loop
Relationship Stress / by xandia
Last post
 September 8th, 2022
...See more I should have listened to my friends; they seem to be more in tune with relationships than I am. I've never been very trusting in my relationships because of past behaviors of those I've dated. Since I've started this relationship, there have been several "bumps" along the road I should have paid more attention to. One of them was when we met, he gave me a "fake" name. He got my name but I didn't get his. Another one is his way of always turning the conversation to what he wants to talk about. It's as if I don't have an opinion or matter to discuss. His are inherently more important than what I have to say. The biggest problem we have is his way of talking to me condescendingly, arrogantly, and haughty just makes me want to scream. His patronizing attitude, not only with me but with my friends as well, has caused me to lose some very good, long term friendships. I'm ready to throw in the towel on this one. He has no sense of boundaries with me. I have reiterated many, many, times how this is not healthy for either of us. And yet he persists in this behavior. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't even know if this relationship is salvageable; I'm taking it one day at a time. But I'm afraid there will come a time when I will just throw in the towel and call it a day. I hate to give up but sometimes it may be the only way to keep my sanity intact. Thanx to all who read this; if you have any advice or suggestions I would be greatly appreciative of all responses. 😳😡😱😕😤 xandia❤️ 
The Blame Game
Relationship Stress / by xandia
Last post
 August 23rd, 2022
...See more I realize that relationships are not easy and take work on the part of both participants. However, it can become an issue when one partner develops a problem dealing with how the other relates to them. What I mean is, when one is used to dealing with one type of person as opposed to dealing with someone totally different from what they are used to. In my case, I have a boyfriend who is used to dating and having relationships with partners who are dependent on them for support; whether it's financial or emotional. I, however, have worked my entire life and have been dependent on myself for providing what I need financially and emotionally. This has caused problems within our relationship. I'm finding it difficult to relate to these qualities. I'm not looking for someone to support me. I can support myself. And yet, he insists on doing this. It has caused tension in our relationship as I will not give up working. I have discovered that he tends to blame me for problems in our relationship. I counter that it's his way of thinking about his partner that causes a rift. I realize that his generation looks at things differently. But I refuse to give up any of the attributes I've learned. I'm not from his generation. I'm younger and I will always keep myself aware of how I want to be treated in any relationship; as an equal. I'm beginning to think this may be about control. Albeit, very subtle control. I feel he views women needing to be taken care of. That is about as far from my way of seeing life as it can get. I want our relationship to work; but for it to work I need to make him understand that I'm an independent, strong, self-aware woman who doesn't need a provider or protector. This is basically the crux of the problem. I appreciate all who read and respond to my query.
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