Out of the loop
I should have listened to my friends; they seem to be more in tune with relationships than I am. I've never been very trusting in my relationships because of past behaviors of those I've dated. Since I've started this relationship, there have been several "bumps" along the road I should have paid more attention to. One of them was when we met, he gave me a "fake" name. He got my name but I didn't get his. Another one is his way of always turning the conversation to what he wants to talk about. It's as if I don't have an opinion or matter to discuss. His are inherently more important than what I have to say.
The biggest problem we have is his way of talking to me condescendingly, arrogantly, and haughty just makes me want to scream. His patronizing attitude, not only with me but with my friends as well, has caused me to lose some very good, long term friendships. I'm ready to throw in the towel on this one. He has no sense of boundaries with me. I have reiterated many, many, times how this is not healthy for either of us. And yet he persists in this behavior.
I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't even know if this relationship is salvageable; I'm taking it one day at a time. But I'm afraid there will come a time when I will just throw in the towel and call it a day. I hate to give up but sometimes it may be the only way to keep my sanity intact. Thanx to all who read this; if you have any advice or suggestions I would be greatly appreciative of all responses. 😳😡😱😕😤
xandia❤️
@xandia
Oh goodness Xan, I'm sorry to know you're being treated so unfairly by your partner, it really is an unacceptable kind of behaviour on his part, the many instances you're recollecting currently but ofcourse the biggest of them, how his behaviour persists despite you telling him repeatedly, and giving a chance to improve and do better. :(
Seems like a really tricky place to be in, I hear you about not liking the concept of giving up, how do you feel about looking at it this way- "You've noticed certain red flags, and it ofcourse doesn't sit right by you, you've made the other person aware of what bothers you and how they should make amends to turn around things for the better, but that hasn't been respected either, now you have done your part in voicing your concerns and needs, in a way giving your partner a chance to improve and your relationship a chance to work out better, where you feel equally respected, cared for, valued, loved, and safe (emotionally as well) with your feelings, personally this is everything but 'giving up' to me, only as much can a person really do alone, relationships are meant to be a two-person thing where both parties involved are equally committed in making the other one feel special and included as they are, you tried and are continuing to try your best, it's not at all giving up, if sometime the day comes when you have to call it a day it will be when you're simply done making efforts alone and trying to make yourself feel heard and your needs met (with your boundaries as well), you'll be choosing your own sanity and wellbeing that day and again, that won't be giving up either, it'll be just you choosing what you think is right (even thought difficult) for you, when you'll be picking up *yourself* and choosing *you* after everything said and done"? Does that resonate?^^
Know that you always deserve better, Xan, a partner who values you, respects you, as well as anything related to you be it your friends, family or your interests.
They do say that communication is the way to go around. What do you think about communicating with him again about how you've been feeling lately?
*offers hugs* ❤ I'm super proud of you for even trying to acknowledge the whole thing, how it's been affecting you and seeking support for the same, I get how confusing and upsetting the situation is for you, and it is valid to feel lost at times. I gotta say, it is hard enough to put our feelings in words at times too, You did so good here.
you mentioned a few red flags and if friends have left or want nothing to do with him .... walk away
he sounds very self centered and not something you can salvage as you will spend the rest of your time trying to remind him of or adjusting your boundaries....
I know he may be charming/ and other things you want but his attitude stays throughout .
This seems like a very unhealthy relationship. Best to get out of it as soon as possible. Honesty is the number one priority for relationships, respect the next one. Send he doesn’t have either.
Sorry if this is not very detailed but this is just my straightforward thoughts
