My curse is coming back
The curse is A) My father died at 56, close to his 57th birthday. My mother never remarried. B) My father-in-law died at 56, close to his 57th birthday. My mother-in-law never remarried. C) My wife died at 56, close to her 57th birthday. I haven't remarried.
OK, my wife died about 11 years ago, three years ago I met a woman on Match.com and we have grown very fond of each other. To the extent that she moved in with me when we bought a nice house and she became my fiance'. That was last year. Now, she has moved out and bought a new house. That means that I will have to move out and buy a place. She says she still loves me, but she won't marry me. I will remain unmarried. Part of the problem is my daughter. She is 37 years old and doesn't do much of anything. She can't drive a car, she can't ride a bike, and she has a terrible anxiety about people. The other problem is me. I am getting older and my memory is getting worse, I have been depressed almost all my life, and now, she wants me to visit with her. I want to marry her, but she doesn't want to marry me.
Hi @Offmytrack
I am so sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. Human brains are hardwired to find patterns in events, images etc. and it sounds like you have found a pattern with the 56th/57th year within your family. When things are going badly, the best thing you can do is talk about it. You've posted here, and it takes great courage to share the innards of your thoughts with strangers, you should be proud of yourself.
It's extra tough when we can't control or make a situation involving other people our ideal. We can't read minds, and we can't control others - how they will react, how they will behave, what choices they make - and that can be discouraging. It might be an opportunity to start conversations with the people you love about how you are feeling, and what assumptions you are making about yourself because of their words or behaviours. "I feel like you don't actually love me because you don't want to get married and that makes me feel really down" - a great example of how it sounds like you are feeling. These "I statements" are a great way of opening up communication because you are talking about yourself in whatever circumstance it is.
I really hope this helps a bit and I wish you all the best,
-Jo
