Just started working wife declares it’s only for 22 months!
Hi community,
Seeking your advice and guidance.
My wife just started working after 10 years of staying home with the now big kids. Within the first month she has decided that working is not for her and will quit within 22 months.
The expectation is that like the last decade, I will be the sole breadwinner and provide her with a house and eternal income.
I keep feeling the relationship is gone and that I’m just a service provider. I pay for everything. I cook and when I don’t she orders expensive takeaway food that are unhealthy. We don’t sleep in the same room. We never go on dates. We only barely talk together about practical stuff.
She is a double degree holder and from a rich family.
We have been together for 20 years.
I feel the relationship is very disproportional and only thing I’m currently getting out of it is access to my children.
What should I do? Only her opinion about things seems valid. I feel she gaslights me but argues with conviction I’m the one thinking the worst about her. How can I address my needs and concerns?
@tallLand8630
Thank you for sharing your situation. It sounds like you're feeling unheard, unappreciated, and perhaps even taken for granted in your relationship. It's important for both partners to feel respected and valued in a relationship, and it's not healthy to feel like you're just a service provider.
It's understandable that you're feeling like the relationship is disproportional and that only her opinion seems valid. It's important to communicate your needs and concerns to your wife in a respectful and constructive way. You might consider seeking out a couples counselor or mediator who can help facilitate a conversation between the two of you and provide a safe space for you to share your feelings and concerns.
It's also important to remember that your own needs and feelings are valid, and it's okay to set boundaries and express your needs in a clear and respectful way. It's important to maintain open communication with your wife, and to listen to her perspective while also expressing your own needs and concerns. You can discuss topics like finances and responsibilities, and try to come to a mutually beneficial agreement that works for the both of you.
It's also important for your wife to recognize that she also has a role to play in maintaining the relationship. If she's not able to see how her actions are affecting your relationship, it's important to be firm but respectful in expressing your needs and concerns. It's important to have open and honest communication, which may involve tough conversations and some emotional discomfort, but it's important for the long-term success of your relationship.
@VioletVeritas great great response!!
@tallLand8630
Maybe you could schedule a time to sit down with your wife and discuss your feelings regarding the nature of your relationship right now, particularly the financial burden and the lack of emotional connection. To get her opinion, ask her to add yours. It's important to listen and find common ground.
You may also talk about and set up clear expectations around domestic duties, financial responsibilities, and quality time spent together. Finally, you might also want to think about going to couples counseling to have a third party who is impartial help you communicate and properly convey your wants and concerns.
Relationships involve work from both parties and open communication.
@patientSky1754 awesome answer!!
@tallLand8630
Ok FYI my first marriage lasted til Year 20. I ran for my life so this influences my perspective.
I suggest boundaries. You feel very much she is simply using you as a sugar daddy and that's not love, is what I am hearing you say.
I would suggest setting financial boundaries, take away something it now makes you mad to pay for.
This will provoke a response! How it goes you can test from there see how broken your marriage actually is.
Hope that helps!