Issues with friendship
Hi. So, this is about my friendship with my best friend of 11 years. We basically went to the same school, but different colleges and work in different offices. But she's my best friend and likewise, I'm her best friend.
I have never hid anything from her and always tell her everything. She's my soulmate and ride-or-die. The problem is, since I tell her everything, I feel like I am overburdening her with stuff and talk. I have undiagnosed anxiety, depression and PTSD (self diagnosed because I don't have access to a therapist, but I'm 99% sure that I have these) and so, whenever I talk to her about some of the stuff that's bothering me, I feel like I am overburdening her with my troubles and darkening the mood. I am also super insecure about my friendship with her and I feel like I am boring her or disturbing her when I send 4-5 texts consecutively. She has repeatedly assured me that that is not the case and always been supportive, but I feel terribly guilty.
I want to be in this friendship without p*ssyfooting around her. Is there anything I can do that can make this go away?
In a world where everything is fleeting and shallow, a friendship of 11 years that is loyal and true is quite remarkable. If she has demonstrated repeatedly that she is content to be your friend, to share your burdens, that she constantly assures you it doesn't bother her that your friendhsip with each other has this nature - you should believe her.
Trust that after 11 years and knowing you intimately that she genuinely sees you for who you really are and through her friendship is committed to that person, with all of your flaws, and problems, she still resolutely chooses to be part of your life and embrace you within hers. Respect her decision, and celebrate it, rather than looking upon it with suspicion and fear! And do everything you can to appreciate, and reciprocate her generosity and kindness.
Question less, and appreciate more ~ ! Gratitude does not require answers. 😂
Hpoing you find peace,
CatsInTheCradle
Hi @CatsInTheCradle . I saw your comment a while back and took some time to reflect. Where I am from, in my social circle, most of my friends have been friends with their BFFs for almost 8-9 years, so it never crossed my mind that it is actually a huge period of time. I do realise that now, after seeing your comment and I feel so good and warm inside. Thank you for your kind insight. It has helped me a lot!
Hello @grayOwl035, firstly I would like to thank you for reaching out. It can be very hard sometimes to feel like we aren't overburdening people we care about. But I can assure you, you aren't being a burden. If the roles were reversed, would you feel like she is burdening you by talking about her struggles? How I like to look at it, is that if it were me, I would always be supportive of my ride-or-die, no matter what happens, no matter the conversation or what time they need to talk, I would be there. And I am getting that sense with your friend, seems like she really wants to help and be your safe place to talk about whatever you are struggling with. Depression and even ptsd has a way of sneaking into our thoughts and being that little voice in our heads that are telling us that no one wants to listen to our problems, we are just a bother. Unfortunately, it is very hard to make these thoughts and feelings just go away, but they can be managed. The word overburden itself means to overload someone with too many things, but have they actually expressed that to you? Or is it more a self thought and feeling within you? What could really help, is reaching out to some of our listeners here and talking with them about what is troubling you, that way, you are still talking it out and expressing how you are feeling without worrying that you are overburdening someone with everything. And remember, your feelings are very valid and important, and us listeners are happy to help when we can :)
Hi @ChasingDreams101.
If the roles were reversed, I would be very glad that she came to me for support and would stay and comfort and console her until she feels better.
Yeah, she really wants to be my safe place. I always ask her if she could spare a few minutes before a rant (because I didn't want to disturb her if she's busy). She has always replied that she is and would take time out even if she is busy to listen to me.
Every time I express the fear that I might overburden her, she doesn't say anything outright, but takes the time to make sure I feel alright and talks through my fears.
Hi gray, i’m speaking from my own experience here, your friend it’s totally supportive but she may not know how to help you and that could be frustrating for her. I don’t think that you can’t have such combination, since these types of diagnosis can even be tricky for a profesional to diagnose, But you may have one of those, please seek help, since it’s really hard to live a normal life. In my case CBT and the book When panic attacks helped a great deal, but i’m still seing my psychiatrist. Use the listeners we have here since this may alleviate your problems. Take care!
Hi @MrProsper
Yeah, she expressed that she doesn't know how to help me even though she wants to.
So glad that you reach a great understanding! Lots of love!
