I cheated
I figured out how much I appreciate my boyfriend and how much I want him to be the father of my kids after I cheated on him. It's been half a year since I did this horrible mistake. Since then I've been going to bed feeling guilty and crying tears of regret.
The guy I slept with is by far gone, blocked and erased. I tried ending whatever I we had in good terms so I wouldn't have to worry so much about him doing anything stupid. However he used to follow me on intagram and has seen my boyfriends profile for sure.
My boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship because I'm studying dentistry in an other country for the time being. He has no clue of what I've done.
I know a lot of you would advise me to tell him the truth, but that cant be an option for me. I much rather break up with him telling him a much less painful excuse. The truth is selfish and painful, also I'm certain he wouldn't forgive me, so it wouldn't do any good.
I'm just not sure if I should consider not saying anything and going on with life and take the next steps it this relationship, or end it.
Please dont ask me why I did it because I really dont think theres a reason. I love my boyfriend now more than ever and this situation is hurting me so bad.
@lylyri
it seems valid to feel like telling the truth could ruin things bad and would be more painful for him and that you wouldn't want it
you're allowed to take a decision you feel is better in the long term even if it feels difficult currently
this was in a different context but I talked to a listener here about something and for a dilemma I had she asked me what would I do if I was in their shoes ... took me time to answer tbh but it was a good reminder because somehow I already knew what was right or what I "should" do just my fears and situation overwhelming me more... 😅
anyway ... if it helps you can try answering this---
how would you like it if the roles were reversed? if you were sitting in a different part of the world clueless and your boyfriend did the same as yourself? what would've been a better "solution" for you or what would you have wanted him to do?
sending you a hug <3 the fact you acknowledge your mistake and feel the guilt about it is already so brave of you <3
All I can say is .. Be true to yourself if you want to know peace. If you think you can ignore your guilt; and have a happy relationship with your partner, pretending nothing happened, then that’s your decision to make. If you would rather break up with him using some pretence, just to avoid the conversation about your infidelity; then that’s also your decision to make.
But if you claim to LOVE and appreciate him, is breaking up with him just to avoid accountability for your actions really fair on him? Is that what he deserves? And it’s difficult to address why you did it. Again it’s easier to avoid that question than to look within yourself, to understand yourself, to confront your flaws, your feelings, your fears. So if you want to avoid that, that’s something you might try to do, and it’s your right to choose avoidance. But in reality, if the foundations of our relationships are built on all these complications, and deceptions, the future is almost always riddled with difficulties; our relationship will never be secure as one built on trust, honesty, loyalty and commitment.
And suppose you do end things with him without telling him the truth. What happens next? Will you miss him? Will you have regrets? Will you love him still? Will you be happier without him? Will you find anyone better? Will you end up going back to him again asking for a second chance? There might come a time after all your decisions are made, when you might look back and realize you should have done things differently. But the future isn’t set in stone.
You’re at a crossroads right now where many paths are still open to you. Fear only ever sees what seems quickest and easiest at the time. But responding to fear often leads to panic and regret in the future. So look at your situation with LOVE. The true kind of LOVE that is courageous, resilient, passionate, committed. The kind that always chooses truth, honesty and loyalty. If you genuinely believe your partner is someone that belongs in your life; that your relationship is something worth fighting for, something that will endure the challenges and hardships, then don’t let your past mistake become a future mistake. If you truly love your partner, give him everything he deserves - even if it is just to know the truth.
Wishing you all the best ~^^
CatsInTheCradle
