@willinggrapes
That's definitely hard seeing him often. I looked into things like taoism and stoicism, as well as Christianity. Part of what I learned is that we must "Allow life to take it's natural course." And that includes accepting what we cannot change. Letting go and practicing non-resistence. Stocisim has a lot to do with controlling both your thoughts and emotions similar to CBT.
Similar to the previous comment, purpose and meaning are part of finding your best self. To piggy back on it, I would say making progress through self-development and self-improvement helps people to focus more on themselves, rather than a broken relationship. In some sense, it's easy to rely our happiness on being with someone, but having going through this break up, it is an opportunity to practice ownership and responsibility for your own happiness through self-love.
Detatchment is not easy. It also has to do with home of origin and attatchment theory to how we were loved/ raised. I find it common and normal to have relational and intimacy needs. But with an anxious attachment style, sometimes our needs become very codependent for others to provide a sense of validation, because we seek approval, love, and a sense of belonging.
So to sum it up, Detatchment requires holistic health, which encompasses several areas, including talking to supportive friends/ family, and realizing your self-worth, and being kind to yourself. It's quite normal to allow intrusive and excessive thoughts overwhelm our inner life, so instead, we must redirect our focus on our goals, passions, faith, values, and find health, meaning and happiness outside of a romantic relationship.
Redirecting your focus on your self-development and healing becomes your number 1 priority so much that over time you become less and less "attached" to needing or missing someone, because they do not determine your value, rather you determine your own self-worth. And again, it's not easy.. but over time, taking positive small steps towards loving yourself and choosing to let go of all the negative emotions associated with the break up.
I'm literally in the same boat. So I know it's rough. But instead of trying to get his attention or looking at his pictures etc, try to appreciate small things and do good / healthy activities to find a stronger sense of healing. Hopefully something I said resonated and helped x)
