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How do I emotionally detach from someone I love/d?

User Profile: willinggrapes
willinggrapes October 13th, 2022

Hello!


if anyone has any suggestions, please tell.

my ex broke up with me over a month ago. I see him at school 5 times a week, and it’s like every little thing he does concerns me. I can’t bear the thought of him falling in love with someone else, and in the very back of my mind, I think that this breakup is only temporary, not permanent. Over these past months of getting to understand myself more, I’ve realised that I strongly emotionally attach myself to things, people, and memories that make or made me happy, and it’s hard for me to detach - more like I don’t know how to detach.


does anyone know how I can start this detachment process? Especially from someone I loved and saw a future with who I see at school nearly everyday?

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User Profile: CoffeeTalkwithMom
CoffeeTalkwithMom October 13th, 2022

Purpose.


it’s our reason for living. Purpose defines the trajectory our future. It is the basis of our identity and also factors heavily into our satisfaction with life. You’ve got to get attached to becoming a version of yourself that is in alignment with who you will grow to be and what you will achieve. A lasting relationship is based on 2 people going on the same direction as a team, so once you figure out what direction your future is headed you’ll be much more inclined to meet someone that will love you for who you are and not critical of your shortcomings.

User Profile: christiantherapy
christiantherapy October 13th, 2022

@willinggrapes
That's definitely hard seeing him often. I looked into things like taoism and stoicism, as well as Christianity. Part of what I learned is that we must "Allow life to take it's natural course." And that includes accepting what we cannot change. Letting go and practicing non-resistence. Stocisim has a lot to do with controlling both your thoughts and emotions similar to CBT.

Similar to the previous comment, purpose and meaning are part of finding your best self. To piggy back on it, I would say making progress through self-development and self-improvement helps people to focus more on themselves, rather than a broken relationship. In some sense, it's easy to rely our happiness on being with someone, but having going through this break up, it is an opportunity to practice ownership and responsibility for your own happiness through self-love.

Detatchment is not easy. It also has to do with home of origin and attatchment theory to how we were loved/ raised. I find it common and normal to have relational and intimacy needs. But with an anxious attachment style, sometimes our needs become very codependent for others to provide a sense of validation, because we seek approval, love, and a sense of belonging.

So to sum it up, Detatchment requires holistic health, which encompasses several areas, including talking to supportive friends/ family, and realizing your self-worth, and being kind to yourself. It's quite normal to allow intrusive and excessive thoughts overwhelm our inner life, so instead, we must redirect our focus on our goals, passions, faith, values, and find health, meaning and happiness outside of a romantic relationship.

Redirecting your focus on your self-development and healing becomes your number 1 priority so much that over time you become less and less "attached" to needing or missing someone, because they do not determine your value, rather you determine your own self-worth. And again, it's not easy.. but over time, taking positive small steps towards loving yourself and choosing to let go of all the negative emotions associated with the break up.

I'm literally in the same boat. So I know it's rough. But instead of trying to get his attention or looking at his pictures etc, try to appreciate small things and do good / healthy activities to find a stronger sense of healing. Hopefully something I said resonated and helped x)

2 replies
User Profile: willinggrapes
willinggrapes OP October 14th, 2022

this has given me some insight and has brought me a sense of calm :)

thank you so much for this, this information will help me a lot x

User Profile: diligentHickory3374
diligentHickory3374 October 14th, 2022

Thank you for this.

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User Profile: Thention
Thention October 13th, 2022

If you've ever argued the significance of learning how to emotionally distance yourself from someone, your own mental health is a conclusive and convincing argument. When you feel like you have spent a long period in a box, whether in a relationship or not, emotional separation is necessary. You must release yourself from the bonds that your sentiments have placed around you. An excess of emotions can occasionally make it difficult to reason clearly. You won't be able to enjoy the base of the pizza if you put too many toppings on it. It's time to take action if you find yourself in this scenario and are wondering how to distance yourself from someone. Leo 2023 Horoscope is help to find true relationship


User Profile: diligentHickory3374
diligentHickory3374 October 14th, 2022

Hey there, I am currently going through the same pain. Glad to know I'm not the only one concerned about loving too hard. I still love my girlfriend even after what she did to me.

1 reply
User Profile: willinggrapes
willinggrapes OP October 18th, 2022

Yes, you aren’t alone :)

don’t worry, we’re in this together and I understand how hard this is. I wish you well! x

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