Confronting my friend about his past problems and mistakes
I’m a girl and I have a guy friend from high school who I have complicated feelings toward. Once every few months he still drops me a text, but I’ve stopped responding to him for several years now.
When we were in high school, we were pretty close friends. There were times he talked about his relationship problems. For example, he and his then-girlfriend got disciplined in school, the girlfriend’s parents don’t want them to meet anymore until they graduate. In college he also got into some kind of disciplinary issue involving some girl again. He once said that a lot of girls he knew were interested in him romantically. I wasn’t comfortable asking him to be clearer in what he said because he didn’t seem like he want to elaborate, and I don’t want to probe. My family don’t think he’s a good friend to me.
These “girl-related” problems are the most ambiguous and confusing to me. Does anyone relate to this guy or could give me a clue?
He said that he is improving himself, and I assume the best in him. But with all my bottled-up confusion and the stress I have while hanging out with him, I’m just like, I don’t want to tune into his journey anymore. I don’t want to hear his problems. I no longer want to continue our friendship. The fact that he keeps texting me in the past few years bothers me. I felt he should have known when to leave.
At this point in time, I’m single and from time to time I feel a little lonely. Although I feel like I shouldn’t, I keep thinking about rekindling my friendship with this guy. If I do, I NEED to get my confusions straightening up. I need to confront him and ask difficult questions. Does this sound justifiable? I’m nervous thinking about asking him to talk about the mistakes his younger self made and stuff. But I think if he’s been so persistent in wanting to reconnect with me, he needs to help me out here by having an open conversation with me.
@lolita9824
Hello, I am glad that you are hear and glad that you are seeking support. I agree that it sounds as if there is much confusion both of you. And I completely see the value in your idea of open honest conversation - in which you tell 'him' what you need to know, and tell him what you need him to do. It sounds as if both of you have been relying on wishful guessing ("he should have known"). I'm not going to guess what his discipline actions are, or anything like that - there's just no way that I can know. The only way to find things like that out … is to ask 'him'. If you're willing to ask him, and to tell him what you need, then maybe there is a chance for good for both.
I am happy to hear from you, and I am glad that you are here.
Best wishes,
Jeff
You should for sure try it out if you feel that way, ask him those questions and if they aren't to your satisfaction and you think that you don't want to be with him it's fine not to be but he should know from you. He either wants to hear a clear yes maybe or a straight up No, don't be afraid to tell him No if that's the case, tell him to leave you alone and things just can't work out because he's not what you need or want or whatever your feelings are. If it works out than you might be happy and make him happy aswell. If you don't like him and tell him that he should stop, he can start to try and move on. Make sure to express your honest feelings and only do what you know I'm right for you