Best friend VS Date
Hello all, I’m in a bit of a situation now and need some advice because I feel like my mind isn’t functioning properly on its own now. I’m 31 and I have a friend (35) who I proclaim as my best friend. We have known each other for nearly 7 years now and have regularly met and went out to trips (but never alone). We are close And comfortable with each other, even though we have very different personalities. 1 month ago, she confused that she had started developing her feelings for me several months ago. This came as a shock because she had mentioned that she will never date a friend. (And I had always had a closeted crush on her). Let’s call her A. Things escalated a little after a few drinks that night and we actually kissed for a while. And we kissed again and cuddled at her place two weeks later. Now at the same time, I’m dating this person B (30) who told me last year that she had a crush on me since 6 years ago when we first met. We were never much of a friend before that. After interacting with her, I realise she’s the kind of witty and fiercely protective person that I feel attracted to. However due to certain circumstances I have been hesitating to accept her. We had only held hands and had flirty gestures with each other but nothing more. I told B previously that I need time to sort out my life goals and values before I could commit. B said she will respect my final decision. A is aware of B’s presence since I had discussed about B with her before. She doesn’t want to be an alternative and said that she will leave if I can’t decide. B is aware that A is my best friend but is currently unaware of A’s feelings )and I don’t intend to tell her so). And now I’m torn between the two of them. I know that things won’t be the same between A and me, no matter what my decision is. I feel happier with B because she is so witty. But I’m also very trusting towards A as the quiet but always reliable soul. Both are also aware that I’m dating other people as part of my exploring journey. I often feel guilty that I’m hanging out with the two of them simultaneously. Is it possible to have feelings for both at the same time? How do you decide if your feelings are romantic or platonic?
Hi, I just read your post.. here is my opinion. 😁 You were friends for 7 years. There is a reason it remained friends only. No one I've ever heard of was into someone without any type of action for 7 years??. Keep as a friend. A friend will understand and respect your decision. Wherever you are happiest is best. Have a great evening! 🙂
@Aladdine um i would just remain friends nothing more realtionships can get complicated
If you remain friends, no, it won't be the same but at least with some work you can stay friends (though maybe no longer best friends depending on her feelings). If you try a relationship and it doesn't work you will most likely lose the friendship too. But, she may yet choose to distance herself if you choose to pursue B, and you'll need to respect that. It's possible that she may return as a friend later but you'll need to give her the time and space to process her own feelings and establish healthy boundaries for both of you. If you think about losing one of them (forever) which one hurts the most? That might be an answer for you... Best of luck
