Why do I revolve my whole life around him.
He’s hurt me so many times. He’s seen what happened when I found out what he’d been doing behind my back the entire almost 3 years. Yet he continued to hurt me. He claims he’s changing but he’s choosing when he can and cannot hurt me.
I revolve my life around him. I really do and I hate it. Every time I want to live my own life without the trauma and hurt he’s caused me -wanting to feel normal again- I get into the phase of not being able to see life without him. I know he wouldn’t be phased if we had broken up and he’s tried to break up with me. But I keep dragging him back into my life. And I keep having dark days full of triggers and reminders of what he’s done. I’ve given my life to him, lost friends, lost interest in literally everything in life.
I miss who I used to be before I met him. The girl who flourished on her own and not attached to someone who has hurt them. I miss her so so much. She could live her days depending on herself, she had hobbies, interest in even living, she lived somewhat of a “normal” life. And now, it will never be the same. He took her away from me. He took her happiness to fill up his, then left her traumatized.
I thought I could trust you…