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Why do I revolve my whole life around him.
powerfulPlum3916 November 8th, 2023
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He’s hurt me so many times. He’s seen what happened when I found out what he’d been doing behind my back the entire almost 3 years. Yet he continued to hurt me. He claims he’s changing but he’s choosing when he can and cannot hurt me.


I revolve my life around him. I really do and I hate it. Every time I want to live my own life without the trauma and hurt he’s caused me -wanting to feel normal again- I get into the phase of not being able to see life without him. I know he wouldn’t be phased if we had broken up and he’s tried to break up with me. But I keep dragging him back into my life. And I keep having dark days full of triggers and reminders of what he’s done. I’ve given my life to him, lost friends, lost interest in literally everything in life.


I miss who I used to be before I met him. The girl who flourished on her own and not attached to someone who has hurt them. I miss her so so much. She could live her days depending on herself, she had hobbies, interest in even living, she lived somewhat of a “normal” life. And now, it will never be the same. He took her away from me. He took her happiness to fill up his, then left her traumatized.


I thought I could trust you…

3
toughTiger6481 November 8th, 2023
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@powerfulPlum3916

the person you were before is still there lurking waiting to re-emerge. let her...

we shut pieces of ourselves off ......thinking that makes another happy,,, but it does not why because when he met you he liked the whole you ...not what you have become to try to fit into what you think your relationship should be... if he is unhappy or looking elsewhere he is looking for that piece of you he used to see until you put that independence on the shelf. 

i am seeing more and more when couples try to be all for partner and revolve around them they lose a part of themselves and often that is the part their partner now misses . 

powerfulPlum3916 OP November 8th, 2023
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That has given me a different perspective on this. Do have any suggestions on how to bring my old self “back”. Gain independence whether it be for myself or the relationship?

toughTiger6481 November 9th, 2023
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@powerfulPlum3916

Think back to what you used to enjoy .. if it is independence do more things alone maybe a class or club many places to join on apps like meet up hiking groups or book clubs/ dancing classes etc.  

find what makes you happy ....    i did physical fitness items now he is fat and i lost weight   and i am happy that i did on my own instead of waiting for him to want to join me or whatever

i do things i like and if he wants to tag along fine..... but if he does not i do not sit and wait for him ...

Once they see you can do just fine without them they step up to be a better partner ... cause they now know we are not waiting for their approval etc. 

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