Trust vs Forgiveness vs Doubt
Hello,
Being slighted or betrayed... Was I really?... or is it a natural response to my actions?
Not just boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or signifiant other but everybody feels lost to me.
Did I cause it. I know my personality contributed to it but did I or do I deserve to be treated as a pariah amongst all those I touch. Don't others have equal faults?
Do I forgive or stand diligent in my beliefs and honor. Humbleness or Pride. Stand up for your values or be pushed around by critisims and doubts.
Standing alone with no one to turn to... Does that matter? Fight on and stay true to ones self.
I'm tired... I wish I had one true confidant but I'm too old to build a long relationship of eternal trust with another.
An eye for an eye or turn the other cheek. Which is it?
“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” Buddha
“It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them.” Confucius
“Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure.” Jane Austen
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka and to all others Happy Holidays!
@IsayUncle
Hi, Uncle - deep and thought-provoking post here. I wish I had equally thoughtful responses to this! But I don't. I will say that I think the wonderful thing about being human is that we all come with our own unique personalities. We all say things that come out wrong, we all feel things deeply, and none of us can say we do or say the right thing all the time. Personally, I always try to assume that the person I am interacting with has good intentions, and that has been a helpful strategy in my life as I age!
By the way, I read your profile and can see that you are a truly caring person, to provide such awesome and supportive guidance to other members here on this site. And what you said was right on. There are many kinds of people who interact here on 7 Cups, and many of them have the very best of intentions. Finding them can take some time, but it is worth the effort and time taken to find them.
I, for one, appreciate you!
@MidwesternCalmSeeker
Thank you for such a calming response. I'm sorry to read about the loss of your father, I can tell you miss him very much, still. Peace & Hugs.
I no longer trust people. I am void of emptions but common sense says stay diligent in good things. My divorce 2 years ago exposed my inadaqucies, which is ok but those I thought understood and accepted my faults showed how much they really disliked me. My heart broke and then my mind blown I still don't know where to go or how to think. I see everyone being so critical of everyone else but then saying oh I love you etcetera etcetera. I've always accepted everyone's faults as normal and in doing so never understood thier pain. It made me egotistical because if they complained, I always had a solution.... I allowed myself no excuses and did the same for others.
Regardless of the past, all I see now is deception from most people as I try to learn the art of courtesy, which is often, also an art of deception.
Thanks for your Ear.
Happy New Year!
@IsayUncle
I hear you. It's hard to have trust after being hurt deeply. Take some time to process and hopefully you will at some point find someone who has these same good intentions and understands who what is in your heart rather than only what they see in words you say. There are many out there who can see a person's heart and yours is huge! I have been in similar situations, and I was advised once.... offering advice is natural, because it's super hard to watch someone suffering emotionally, and wanting to fix it is something that makes total sense! I was then guided to ask, "What can I do to support you in this moment?" as the first step. That way, if offering advice is not the reason the person is sharing with me, then I don't "go there" in that moment. I don't always follow that advice, though, because my desire to make it all better gets in the way sometimes! It's a lesson I'll learn over and over again, for sure! ❤️
@MidwesternCalmSeeker
Thank you Seeker. The Do's and Don't's of being a listener on this site really helped me a lot to understand how to interact with other people. I'm learning that offering advice or trying to come up with a solution is often more about me then them, but it is a knee jerk reaction for me. It ultimately alienates people. In the past I couldn't figure out why people complained if they don't wanna fix it. I am starting to understand the dynamic of that a lot better.
But ultimately it leaves me in the same boat, guarded conversations in a world, that it is better not to trust. Is that cynicism or wisdom? I suppose finding a balance would be the wisdom side of things. It's hard to find a balance when you don't even trust your own perceptions anymore. 😐
Happy New Year to ya!
@IsayUncle I can totally relate to that, and wish you well as we enter into the new year!
