This is “F’d”
Been married for almost 30years. My spouse had some serious childhood trauma, has never really talked about it. She has always been the first person defend the offenders that did the trauma. I on the other hand call it out as BS . For as long as I can remember she has always looked for acceptance or recognition for things she has or is doing. I seem to be the *** and usually the scape goat.what is the best way to handle this. This isn’t the first time that this situation has happened. Just need some insight.
@straightforwardJet7078,
a situation I can relate to, it rings a lot of bells.
Not easy for you and not easy for her.
What you need to learn to understand is that her behavior is a way to cope with trauma. Her defending is a way for her to deal with it, her way to survive. Calling it BS is not helping her and only creates damage.
Talking about trauma requires feeling safe, it requires lots and lots of patience, kindness, gentleness from you. And consistency, she needs to feel safe, supported, accepted at all times.
You can't fix trauma, no one can, it's something that's always there. She might be able to learn to live with it but not without help. You can help by being there and not judging or labeling. And not calling her out.
Having said that, have you guys ever considered therapy to learn to be there, to show mutual understanding, to express feeling in a non judging way?
