She Hates Me

I thought I was protecting my girl from things and certain people. I should’ve communicated better I guess. Now, she hates me. Won’t look at me. Wants me out, as I exiled myself to the garage for not wanting to live like roommates, in a short time. I have no where to go, no friends, no family. I wanted the same “blended family” she wanted. I guess I took a different way about it. Now I lost her, my children and her children. All the people I was living for; my purpose. Now I’m lost, confused and a complete failure who just wants his family back but I know it won’t happen. I don’t know what to do except shed tears before I sleep, if I sleep, and shed tears as I wake. I posted once before, “that I am not at the bottom of my barrel. I am under my barrel holding it up with the rocks in it…”….my ex is in a space that I would have thought that we can work through mistakes made and grow stronger. Now I just feel like no matter what I did was enough. That I am not enough. That my existence is a waste. A failure. I have failed. I have let my whole entire purpose down. As a man, I am ashamed, a mess and a total “eff” up as I hear the life I should be apart of, past me overhead (I’m in the garage for now). She even has our “dog son” as I have nothing but the shame of my failed decisions that I thought were for the right reasons. Thank you for reading this if you had the time.