Relationship stress
For the first time in my life I don’t know what to do. I feel so lonely . I’m engaged but things between my fiance and I aren’t very great. I was on the wrong and lied about being home while I was celebrating with a friend he birthday. I wasn’t honest to him because he doesn’t like this particular friend. I sincerely apologized for lying and assured him I would work to earn back his trust. He eventually forgave me after a few days of silent treatment and me apologizing and showing remorse non stop. After he forgave me we were fine for a few days then he went to go spend time with friends , he came back saying he’s not sure he wants this relationship cause I’m showing too many red flags. He started being up the past ,which I thought we had moved on from.in the past we had both said hurtful things but both would apologize and forgive each other. I don’t know what to do. He said I should show him in action that I’m sorry and that I genuinely love him. I have tried to reassure him I love and value him and I’m sorry but the more I try he ends up calling me controlling and obsessive. We are in a long distance relationship. I value our relationship and want to fix things but I don’t know how when he’s not open to communicate
@philosophicalFarm2605 it sounds like there is a lot of resentment in the relationship about things that you thought you had 'moved on' from but in the end didn't seem to really have done so. have you ever considered seeking some professional help? both you and him.
@philosophicalFarm2605
It is a difficult time when engaged and planning on spending your lives together.
so you spent time with a friend of YOURS ........whom he does not like much.......... you apologized profusely for lying about it. I assume to avoid an argument. You tried to make amends for the lie.
He was upset gave you the silent treatment and shared this perhaps with his friends and they probably supported his holding you to being in the hot seat to ask you to use actions to prove your remorse.
this should be a red flag for YOU.
If someone is giving you the silent treatment and bringing up past and putting ultimatums on table of "you need to do this or that ...to prove......... you are sorry. "
Imagine each time you in future when you have disagreements and then you are expected to grovel. If he cannot accept your apology and expects you to feel guilty for this for as long as he can...
At this point I feel aweful even though I’ve apologized countless times.hes calling obsessive when I apologize.but I’m only just trying to show him I’m remorseful and sorry. I hear what you are saying.
what’s crazy is that everytime he wrongs me he expects me to forgive him instantly or he’d label me unforgiving and not godly. I don’t know what to do. I have introduced him to my family and my church. I really wanted to make this work but it seems I’m the only one wanting that
really sorry for the way you are feeling.
When two people decide on marriage you need to respect each other’s choices. Especially if it is of the opposite gender.
You lied coz at that point of time u felt it would hurt him and u didn’t want to do that. but what is important is you were remorseful and sorry about it. Mistakes happen. It is very normal.
u are an amazing person for being genuinely sorry and for admitting what happened. Most people would just hide it or give reasons.
u might want things to work out but him bringing up the same issue time and again after he said he forgives. That’s a red flag. Not you.
hope u figure out what is best for you. Stay strong and choose yourself.
I think if he’s bringing up the past again that means he’s about to do something from the past. Usually men have a harder time beliving stuff after a fall out. Keep talking but look at the red flags. Women gut feelings be spot on
