Lost
I am feeling very lost. I had been with the girl who I see as my soulmate for a bit longer than a year. We planned and did everything together. She was and is the one for me. However, throughout our whole relationship she has been begging me to change my behaviors. She feels unheard, unloved, like i'm not here with her entirely. She doesn't think I have the ability to change or that I care enough about her. She eventually said she was done, she broke it off and said i'm not going to change so I should go find someone else to hurt. I've been actively trying to get better, but it never shows and i'm unsure of what to do. I've been seeking out advice on this app, reading how other people are feeling and responding to prompts. I've been diving deeper into reflection on my own and taking notes upon it. She told me to leave her alone, and I'm scared she means for good. I feel like I have truly ruined it this time, but I don't want to let go. I want to respect her space, but show her I don't want to move on and let her go. I think I am going to continue using this app and reflecting on my own and hope that she notices my changes, even without talking. But, I'm scared and I don't want anyone else, I just want her. Any advice?
Has she given you specific examples of the behaviors that hurt her? Not just ambiguous statements like you don’t make her feel loved but really specific instances? Like are you on your phone too much? What was the thing that finally set her off?
I feel as though i'm just not paying attention enough. I tend to cut her off without noticing, or zone out. I think to her i just am not showing i really care. I think i also tend to disregard her feelings a lot and jump to providing solutions instead of hearing her out during conflict. I am just not fully providing her love in the ways she needs. What set her off was that i was acting off while saying things were okay about plans she had, so hiding my feelings but not providing proper actions to show her things really were okay. I was being selfish when i should have been excited for her
@n0tl1b3rty
It is not small changes you speak of and if you are trying because you want her back .. it might not be a real change but an attempt to convince her. real change we do for ourselves and for future with or without a person.
If she is feeling unheard or unloved .... those seem like communication issues and that is not all on you. Communication in a relationship takes 2. It also is a skill and needs practice. In a soulmate type thing you should feel confident and comfortable to speak up and tell your partner the truth about feelings.
if you have a chance to have a discussion you both need to speak openly and not assume what they want to hear. Hiding your feelings about her plans and saying the plans seem OK but that is not how you really feel it shows.... maybe in your body language. Words are not the only communication cues.
I want her to be my soulmate. I feel it deep in me. You are right, it does take two so i should also be putting in effort. Not just to convince her, but to genuinely be better. I just miss her
