Looking for some insight
my husband and I have been together for almost a decade. We have been married for about 3 years. We struggle with healthy communication skills but we are working on it. We struggle
most with our language, no cursing of the sort, but saying things that put the other on the defense. We are striving to work on it with no outside council as we don’t know anyone in a healthy relationship or marriage and we can’t afford couples/marriage counseling.
my question is, sometimes when I address something to my husband that I want to change or just telling him how I prefer to do things, his response is something along the lines of “things won’t always go your way” without suggesting otherwise. It seems he isn’t fond of the things I suggest but he isn’t initiating finding another way to get the job done. I don’t understand how we can problem solve this issue when it comes up.
i understand we are different people and won’t always do things alike and i am always willing to listen to other suggestions but it just seems like he wants to shut down the way i like to do things. i want him to be more flexible. More willing to do things that help me out or simply make me more comfortable. I even try to let him know I’m not asking him to change how he chooses to do things, but when it comes to dealing with me I asked that he be understanding and consider the person that I am.
am I asking too much? Am I asking the wrong thing?
@kindPlum3623
You are not asking too much, I too have been in similar situation.
Even though i did not buy into at first the " I feel " type statements helped with my communication ... it does not come off as they are wrong but you feel there is a better way.
So next time he said things wont always go your way .... you could say something like "i feel we stay at an impasse that you are not offering a different alternative"
It defuses a power struggle of a person being right or wrong or one way is better then the other way. if he comes back like my partner did saying .....i am accusing ......i say.. "no this is just how i feel not saying your wrong but i feel you are not taking my perspective into consideration" They cannot say how you feel is wrong.