Long breakup

I started up on here a few weeks ago, I’ve been talking to one of the great listeners who has been super helpful, I also wanted to share my story for more support.

I’m a m/53

my girlfriend and I have been together about three years. It started off with some distrust, I was with someone when we started dating, and then broke that off. I still had some female friends. I hung out with occasionally as friends. I stopped that.

trust has always been an issue because of that.

Constantly, I would get accused of doing things I wasn’t, or seeing people I wasn’t. I was getting on dating apps, a coping habit from when I was single. I wasn’t going out and meeting anyone though. Her feelings were justified, as I was doing some wrong, just not what she thought.

at some point earlier this year, I decided I wanted to stop that if I wanted a better relationship, being 100% in. It was too late because shortly after she found out about me being on apps. It happened while we were driving somewhere, and tempers escalated to where I had to push her off me while driving and hit her in the face. I ended up going to jail for five days and I’m on probation now. She took me back in, and I’ve been doing everything I can to prove I’ve changed since, but it doesn’t seem to matter. I’m accused of things I’m not doing now more than ever, and I’m truly being faithful now. I’m communicating and more engaged. We had some deep talk and I know how I’ve been wrong and how I had to change. I’m still accused of doing wrong at the slightest thing that bothers her.

it got too much, and last weekend I told her I’m not tolerating that anymore, I know trust takes time to rebuild, but she’s not trying and there’s no trust or love at all between us. She said she was sorry and apologized, which she doesn’t do easily. It’s difficult for her to see when she could be wrong in any situation, they usually gets turned around on me. I’ve suspected a lot of narcissistic tendencies, along with ADHD and many health issues that give her a lot of stress.

I get that to a point, if it was an occasional accusation, once a month, maybe, that could be normal, but not several times a week. I told her the other day I have to be done, because she keeps breaking my boundaries. I know I’ve done wrong, and I’ve taken steps to correct things and try to make up for my mistakes, but I feel I deserve to be treated better. It’s been a couple months since that incident.

i’m still living at the house, as we’re tied together financially, and she can’t survive without my income. I’ve lived with her younger kids for three years, and I don’t want to just up and leave for those reasons. How should I navigate things going forward here? I suspect she’ll say she’ll change as she has before, but it’s never truly happened. She apologized for it and did it again the next day. I need help sticking to my guns here and not going back again while still sharing a space.

Thanks for reading 😊