In need of relationship advice
I’m here because I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety and insecurity in my relationship, and I want to figure out how to manage these feelings in a healthy way.
I’m 19, and I’ve been dating my girlfriend, who is also 19, for a while now. This specific situation happened when we were 17, but it’s something that’s stuck with me and continues to bother me.
Back then, she cut off her ex-FWB to focus on our relationship, which I appreciated. She’s been upfront and open with me about everything, and I’ve never felt like she’s done anything behind my back.
The issue started when her ex-FWB left to join the Navy. She cried about it, which made me feel insecure. She explained that she wasn’t crying because of him specifically, but because she feels emotional whenever people she knows go into dangerous situations like the military. She also told me she’s cried about others she’s known who’ve joined the military before.
Even though she gave me a clear explanation and her actions show she’s committed to me, I couldn’t help feeling insecure. The memory of that moment still bothers me, and I’ve recently revisited it because I posted about it on Reddit. People there told me things like, ‘She doesn’t respect you,’ or, ‘She’s settling for you and still has feelings for him.’ Reading those comments made my anxiety worse, and now I’m questioning if I can trust her or if I’m not enough for her, even though it’s been years since the situation happened.
At the same time, I know these fears might be in my head because her actions have never given me a reason to doubt her. I want to trust her fully and stop overthinking, but I’m struggling.
I’d like to understand why this situation still affects me and why I feel so insecure. I want to work on building my confidence and becoming more secure in myself and my relationship. I also want to stop being so influenced by what strangers online say about my relationship.
Can you help me figure out what’s at the root of these feelings and give me strategies to move forward?
@tybruh
So she has explained why she reacted as she did ... her behavior is not that you should worry about it but YOU are not letting it go. Your relationship seems solid without worry about it but the longer you bring this up or overthink this ... maybe you are now straining the relationship if you need reassurance on something she thinks is settled.
She chose you ... and he is totally out of picture. Did she have feeling for him once sure but that is not a threat. Relationships are about trust and commitment...not a solid guarantee. is it about your trust in her?
I think it is about my trust in her as I’m having a hard time trusting her explanation.
@tybruh
I get it it is hard to blindly trust and yes sometimes people get hurt that is the risk of a loving relationship. Anything worthwhile has some risk..... but if you keep dwelling on it she will feel the lack of trust and it will have an effect
You’re right, any tips on how to trust her more in this situation? I fear her crying means she still wants him.
You’re right I do need to let this go.
