I need advice
So I've been with this guy for a year now after a month I found out what kind of person he is he makes inappropriate sexual jokes about my family members especially my mom and it just makes me so uncomfortable he says it's just a joke and I can't take a joke but I find it weird I get mad and tell him I don't like it he just acts really nice to me and doesn't even say sorry he never had said sorry all he says is it's a joke when I talk to him he doesn't even listen to me all he really says to me is sexual things and I just want to leave him I've tried so many times but I kept going back to him idk why if it's the comfort because I never really had anyone who would hang out with me for as long as he does but I really need to leave him because it's affecting my mental health I need advice
Leaving is hard especially if it’s comfortable, I had struggled with this as well. I stayed with partners that did not respect my mind, body, or boundaries but because there was something in the relationship that felt familiar—I was too uncomfortable to leave.
sometimes the comfort we feel in a relationship doesn’t always mean it’s a good thing, possibly the disrespect feels comfortable (that was the case for me as I was disrespected by my father entirely, and grew up believing that’s what love looks like) and that’s why it’s been hard to stay away.
you have made it clear that you do not like it—which I am very proud of you for standing your ground on it. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like your partner cares about the boundary, and saying “you can’t take a joke” is shifting the blame onto you. It’s basically saying “well that’s your fault for feeling this way, it’s not because of my actions you just don’t know how to be funny”.
you have stated you want to leave him. If you are not dependent on him financially or living wise. Then there is no reason to stay. It’s affecting your mental health as you’ve said, a partner should help you grow and be an extension of you—not a ball and chain holding you back and brining you down.
after breaking up, does he message you afterwards influencing you to go back to him? You can break up with him and set another boundary—no contact. Remember boundaries are there to protect you—you’re not using it to make him do what you want, you’re protecting your peace.
He doesn't message me when I try to leave him idk what it is but I can't stop thinking about him then I just messaged him saying I want him back it's probably cuz I felt lonely but I'm trying to block him off everything so I don't have another choice but to move on
@fairmindedPapaya4898
If he keeps joking about your family in a way you don’t find acceptable, he should respect that. If you’re going to be a couple, that respect is non-negotiable. If he dismisses it by saying, “It’s just a joke,” you can respond with something like, “Okay, but I think you should joke about something else. End of story.”
If he doesn’t stop and can’t even apologize, that’s a huge red flag, and you don’t need that in your life. I understand you might be afraid of being alone, but I promise you, you’ll find another partner if you just keep looking!
Best of luck!<3