I'm sorry, but...
Warning:⚠️ +18
I just really need to get this out, the story is kinda dumb and insignificant but I don't know what to do with myself. This might get a little too descriptive, so I'm sorry. I'm 15 btw, not making very good choices but whatever.
So, last night I went to this party at school and my bf went to and we ended up walking off to go do "stuff". I only lost my v card to him a while ago so that stuff is still really painful for me. I ended up really just *** him off the whole time, but he really wanted inside me so I let him try a couple of times. I was trying to go slow into it when he pushed into me and I pulled away and said stop, but then he grabbed me and pushed back in really deep and at that point I was terrified so I flipped over and he could tell I was scared and I was trying to get away from him and he started hugging my legs and apologizing. I finished him off and then we went back. He doesn't even realize what he did. He was apologizing because he hurt me, but what hurts is the fact that he promised we were gonna take it a whatever pace I needed and then he pulled that *** because he couldn't help himself. Also, he said that he was gonna make up for all the times he's promised he would do "stuff" for me and then didn't and I ended up just pleasuring him the whole time. In the moment I didn't feel as pressured, but now looking back I really did not want him actually inside me at all and I hate myself for letting him pressure me because I know better. I can't stop thinking about that. I don't know or understand what I feel. And I've felt like this before, and I hate it because it makes me question my security with him. Because I've always felt so happy and safe with him, but now I don't know how to feel. And maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm stupid, idk. I know that I'm stupid, actually. But anyways, thanks for at least reading this.
@DepressedPanda23
It is completely understandable of how you feel... and NO should be enough. The fact it was painful for you should have been enough for him not to do that ....it is a myth that he cannot help himself.... he can and should as of now you could make a case of assault.
Your feelings and consent are valid and if he wants you to take care of his needs and you get no consideration he is using you.
If you like him and want to be with him ever again.................. you need to set him straight that NO is NO and if he expects you to only take care of his needs he is not who you thought he was or what you are looking for in a partner...
I brought it up to him and he said he didn't realize all of what he did. And I made a blanket statement that intercourse is off the table. I felt so scared to tell him. I can tell he feels bad though.
Thank you so much, I was kinda dying this morning cause I thought I was overreacting about it or something 😅
@DepressedPanda23
I am glad you spoke up ....
while feeling bad and saying he did not realize it was as bad as it was .... please for yourself make sure his future ACTIONS match those words.... remorse in only words is NOT enough.