I feel hopeless

So I’ve always been depressed since forever, and had bipolar, and anxiety that’s nothing new. Recently it’s been triggered even more than before because my boyfriend broke up with me it was my first time hyperventilating and having a panic attack. We ended up back together but he told me he has lost feelings for me he doesn’t feel the same love from when we first was together. He says he still love me and even if we break up he will be there for me but he probably won’t gain those feelings back. I feel like he feels trapped but it’s my fault. I was begging him back and he knew I was suicidal. I think he’s scared if we break up I will ruin my life. I don’t want him to feel trapped. We been together for 2 years. I love him so much I can’t think of a life without eachother and I don’t want to think of a life without eachother. But I don’t want him unhappy bc soon he will just lose the rest of his feeling and there’s nothing I can do about it. I really want to be with him but Ik I should let him go. I don’t know how to deal with these suicidal thoughts. I really have no one. No one to rely on any more, talk to or anything. I feel so hopeless it’s to the point all I do is cry I don’t even wanna get outta bed. I feel like I have no future. I just want all this to stop it feels like I’m being hit everyday/week with more bad news. My life is falling apart. I don’t think I have the strength this time to make it through.