Husband has hard time trusting me
My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for 10. He is having a hard time letting go of an argument we recently had 4 weeks ago. We have had countless of arguments and fights in the past and now he is having a hard time trusting me to not cause an argument anymore. How can I gain his trust back? It is making it hard for us to move forward and move on with each other.
@compassionateFriend6011
It is hard to say without knowing what an argument was about but .... if something was said that made him question your trust perhaps more discussion about it is needed... Trust broken in a marriage is usually broken by something a bit more serious then sharing a secret or something like with a friend
if he throws that out as a thing to make you become more interested in appeasing the situation ... he is just like playing chess he has you in check. You are now working on gaining trust instead of the items that are causing the arguments to begin with ..... called diversion often used to draw attention from something they did.
@compassionateFriend6011 He is worried that you will cause an argument? Did you “cause” the arguments in the past? If so, I imagine you had some justification. If that is true, then I also imagine you wish to not cause arguments, but then, what of your justified complaint? Do you burry it? Have either or both of you considered talking to a couples therapist?
I have mentioned going to therapy. He doesn’t want to do therapy. He doesn’t believe in having someone else tell him what we are doing wrong, etc. I did cause arguments in the past. But what really caused it was more of me telling him how I felt and it made him become offended, I guess. Because when I say how I feel, for some reason he will get aggravated or mad about something. They arguments in the past have been petty. This recent argument had to do with me being jealous and it all rolled into one huge argument not like any other time.
@compassionateFriend6011 So he becomes offended maybe even defensive when you express your feelings. There may be a way to express your feelings in a way that doesn’t have him reacting in that way. You might want to read the book, Feeling Good Together by Dr. David Burns. It worked wonders in my relationships. It is not a “couples therapy” book, so you can read it yourself. I suspect it might be good to not even let him know you’re reading it. An alternative or maybe something you could do in conjunction with reading the book would be to talk to a therapist yourself. They can give you support and suggestions for this situation.
