How do I find myself again?

@mrkmgll

it is hard to find who you are now ........as you will not be the person you were before this relationship.

many people do things like journal or talk it out with therapy or a friend .....

i do something i like to call self therapy...

when i have long time alone driving in car or alone at home i talk in a way like i am explaining to a therapist or someone who does not know me: i speak of how we met, how the relationship changed how i thought i felt at first... how I feel now.... what i missed in this person and what i would look for in future.

you have to be totally honest with yourself .......good bad and ugly........ and learn about your wants and boundaries you would or should have put up on relationships. this is free and IMO lets me see some important truths i have not faced ...........in why i put up with things and were my feelings really what i portrayed to them.

Thanks a lot for your words, means a lot to me! I have tried this yesterday simulating I was in front of a therapist. And honestly it works, takes some time to open up but does the job. Thanks!

@mrkmgll

Let us begin with, we are not here to Judge you. You are not alone.
You are welcomed here. You are valid and your feelings are Valid.

If I am understanding correctly you are saying you are in a toxic relationship, currently, and the only love have been the one you have manifested internally.
You are in the process of finding yourself again.

It sounds like while you are in or while you were in this relationship, you lost your self-identity or individualism? And you wish to regain it again? And you are scared to be alone?

That is a lot to be dealing with. No worries, you are never alone. It is ok to feel that way at the moment. If you ever need someone to talk to you can click here for a list of the Active Listeners. They are here for you and will not judge you.

Tell us more on why you think you are afraid of being alone? Is it just being alone or your thoughts?

Thank you for the support. Yes, the thing is I am afraid to be alone as I would think to the situation and feel bad and sad.

I am still in that relationship at the moment, and trying to figure out how to do to go over how I feel. I’ve adapted a lot to her way of thinking and her lifestyle to make her happy, but over time I realized that her happiness is everything for me (yes) but mine cannot depend just on her.

So I started to think, how I can be happy just when I am with her (or with other friends of mine) while when I am alone I feel uncomfortable, and as I told scared.

More, recently she has been very distant from me emotionally and this is causing me sadness as you can imagine. It’s a tough period and I’ve never experienced before so that scares me a bit

@mrkmgll

You are welcome. You are deserving and you are stronger than you think. You have proven much just by being here and being honest.

There are plenty of self-help guides here which will give you a good start for various things on your adventure. The struggle will be real, but the reward will be worth it.

Having new feelings or strange feelings can be unnerving. Sorry you are going through that.

Do you think your life would be better if you broke up and left her?

Thanks, appreciated the help and the guides! Really means a lot.

I am not sure but I want to figure it out by myself. For now I am still attached to that person and means a lot to me, is part of my life and maybe I should focus more on myself. But it’s hard! Thanks a lot again :)

@mrkmgll

You are welcome.
If you need help, reach out to one of the trained Active Listeners

Self-Care is extremely important. You are the Expert of You.

@mrkmgll

You're definitely in a difficult place right now, but you're strong and you'll get through it. We all support you ☺️

I'm in a similar place where I'm trying to understand why I'm scared of being alone. It's a tough journey but you can definitely do it.

I think a good starting point is expressing your feelings in a way that you can reflect on them, it can be journaling, therapy, talking to a friend or listener or even having a conversation with yourself where you respond to your thoughts and feelings. Reflecting on your thoughts might give you some clarity.

Learning who you are as an individual and learning to be comfortable with who that individual is so you can be on your own is no easy task. Remember to be patient and kind to yourself on this journey.

I appreciate your words and I will try my best :) I guess will take sometime but I got myself strong hopefully! Will continue to update and today I already feel a bit better

@mrkmgll it can be difficult not knowing who you are but that's the break through we need we got to be lost to be found I recommend this books for you. I love you and if you want any help just inbox me my heart is open to humanity. I think you might like this book – "How To Do The Work: The Sunday Times Bestseller" by Nicole LePera.

Thanks! Appreciated

@mrkmgll

Hi 👋 I'm sorry to hear this, I know it's too difficult right now and u keep wondering how I should get back to myself and how my life was even before this relationship because now it seems that it was the only thing that defined you. BUT please before do anything else, take your time and be sad or grief or whatever u want, just let this all emotions out. Maybe u want to talk out loud with yourself or write it down or do some physical sport but just let yourself to feel everything inside u . I know it might be hard but if u don't do it and just ignore it, u will remember all this emotions again on the worst moments in the future and it might be ruin your future relationship.

Remember what u used to do when u weren't in a relationship. And believe that it will be okay from now on and u can handle this :) for me doing physical sport and be in nature really helped..:) this whole situation won't define you and u are capable and strong . Keep smiling and do some fun things to find joy again after u walked this through 😊

That’s great piece of advice and thank you so much! Really means a lot to me - I will try

@mrkmgll

My pleasure 😊 keep it up :)