How can I be the man she needs me to be
Our relationship has been a struggle. We are amazing friends but when it comes to the actual relationship I struggle. I'm not affectionate very attentive or emotionally available and I don't know how to change this its not far for my girlfriend and I want to be better I never grew up around affection or really love so I don't know where and how to start sometimes we talk about it and I will start to do better but I always slowly fall back into my same old self. Any input helps I want to be more than what I am for her
@Kyle8118
Hi there.
As the girlfriend in a similar situation, here's a thought or two from the other side.
I wanted more demonstrative affection from my partner. I'd watched the movies, and seen love the way I thought it was meant to be. But. What about that couple, sat watching the world go by on a bench in the sun. Do they not love each other? There is a quiet sort of love, that is just as meaningful as that active outspoken love so popular in films.
Trying to change to better meet your girlfriend's needs is an amazing act of love. Because it won't be easy. It will need lots of practice. And patience. Lots of trying and failing, picking yourself up and trying again. You've already seen that. If you want it, you will succeed. Just keep trying.
But please, do it from a position of strength and self belief. Not because you believe that there is something wrong with you. Learn about different love languages and attachment styles and understand that there are different ways of loving, and none is better than another. The way you do it is perfectly valid.
I nearly destroyed my partner's self esteem. Not accepting the way he was and expecting he change. I still do at times. I must practice and keep trying and failing too. I'm having to learn to listen to my partner's quiet way of showing love. Its there, if I listen. Maybe your girlfriend needs to learn to listen too?
You have a great foundation. You're friends and you are both communicating. I wish you both all the best in building something that meets everyone's needs and wants.