Friendship advice
Hey everyone !
I am looking for genuine advice and tbh reaching out for help is quite scary . But here i go ! Its long but i would really appreciate help and guideness
I overcame my depression an year ago with the help of a teacher . ( she gave hope )
And since then i have tried my best to be better at everything. Priorities, academics , relationships.
But in doing so i have realized that my best friend for 9 years is truly toxic for my health . not that i dont love her , i do very much in some way i am addicted .
She has done many things like soreada rummours about me , send my pic to a guy without informing , told a guy that i have a crush on him because he proposed to her nad she didnt wnat to accept , her mother said awful things to me on call like you are doing a good job ...she is not expresive and hence you should take care of her , she told her mom false awful things about me due to her own insecurities which made her parents hate me but then quickly told them nc things in order for a hangout etc .
Now i forgave and forgave but i cant forget and now since i am hopying to do more than survival ...i feel angery . she is a topper and i was numb for years which makes simple things hard .
I do still love her but its like i hater myself for loving her , i feel sad cuz of my love , angery . any time we are together i blsme myself and never her .
I just want to really focus on my goals but she is addictive .
I have other friends afc .
But lets be honest i am deeply mistrusting person , abnormal , different , intensive.
So ya ! I did be very happy if anyone could advice me or guide me .
@optimisticVase7844
HI there.
Well done for reaching out. You are totally right, it is scary. And yet you did it. And that is amazing.
And even bigger congratulations for beating depression. What a great teacher who gave you hope.
It's fabulous that you are seeking to better yourself and improve on key things. But I have a question for you. Do you ever notice how special you are right now? How wonderful the traits you have are? That right now you are unique and thus perfect?
I had to learn that to have great relationships with other people, I had to work on having a great relationship with myself. How often do you congratulate yourself for your achievements of that day?
See, there's several achievements in this post. You wrote it, for one. You're examining your feelings about a relationship, two. You're looking at your values, (eg what you believe are/are not the actions of a good friend), three. And considering your boundaries (eg is this the kind of behaviour you want in your life?), four. These things will build to a self awareness that will stand you in good stead.
You ask for advice. But the thing is, you are the best person to know what's right for you, and when the time is right, you'll know what to do.
If you are interested, you might like to look into what your attachment style is. Knowing your attachment style, might help you understand the attachments you make and why.
Sending you best wishes.