Ehat to do?
I'm a mom of two beautiful children. As I stay at home mom I cook ,clean do laundry and handle the kids 24/7 . I don't ask much of my husband . I do everything since he provides income for our family. But lately everytime I look at him he's on his phone watching reels of *** or scrolling thru market place. I'm starting to resent him alil cause of this. Like why isn't he spending time with the kids and I. I've come to the conclusion it's just not who he is.
@postpartum23mom
Please do not settle on the idea that is not who he is.....
people can and do change and adjust to a situations and those who do NOT even try fail....
he may find he enjoys fun with kids each day ... if he does not wake up and see they change you cannot get that time back... I remember as kids go through phases and the funny things they say or do ...are never replicated the same as a spontaneous moment unless you video kids so he can see THEM while scrolling.
He certainly knew what was happening when you had children... i get that a person who works hard to support a family (that he helped create)... needs down time sometimes but so do you...
children KNOW who is ignoring them even small children. He is modeling behavior they will remember it is nature that offspring take in more in example watching then even words... you are accepting his disconnect not only for yourself but making that same decision for your children
Have you discussed your feelings and what you would like to see for his involvement? how much does he interact now ? ... ask about your day? excited about kids milestones? helps you make decisions about kids?
maybe if he spends time with kids and develops his own relationship ....while you have an hour to do other things ... go for a walk take a bath whatever type thing you would do with a free hour.
I am amazed at how much a difference I see in kids who both parents step up.
My husband doesn't really pay attention or do anything other than go to work? I keep trying to get him more involved with the kids and even me.But anytime I ask he says that he's just trying to relax . It has honestly came to the point where I don't know where I stand in his life.And my his wife has maid or his cook. I keep trying out of love and hope for our kids to be able to have that bond with their father. And as a very traditional person I believe in death do us part
@postpartum23mom
I appreciate your effort to fix things.
I have been considering this myself...... if some of the ignoring and scrolling my spouse does I feel it is due to what they call "high functioning depression"...in my spouse. Of course he would not admit to any issue.
i looked this up after listening to a podcast: Anhedonia is the inability or reduced ability to feel pleasure. When a person suffers from anhedonia, they lose interest in the activities, hobbies, or experiences they used to love.
He finds no joy in most things and just goes through the motions many men him included would not recognize it as depression as we tend to have a picture in our heads of what that will look like. they get through there day but have no feeling about anything... perhaps in a rut or feeling their only thing is work and have lost what is important
@postpartum23mom
I appreciate your effort to fix things.
I have been considering this myself...... if some of the ignoring and scrolling my spouse does I feel it is due to what they call "high functioning depression"...in my spouse. Of course he would not admit to any issue.
i looked this up after listening to a podcast: Anhedonia is the inability or reduced ability to feel pleasure. When a person suffers from anhedonia, they lose interest in the activities, hobbies, or experiences they used to love.
He finds no joy in most things and just goes through the motions many men him included would not recognize it as depression as we tend to have a picture in our heads of what that will look like. they get through there day but have no feeling about anything... perhaps in a rut or feeling their only thing is work and have lost what is important
@postpartum23mom
I appreciate your effort to fix things.
I have been considering this myself...... if some of the ignoring and scrolling my spouse does I feel it is due to what they call "high functioning depression"...in my spouse. Of course he would not admit to any issue.
i looked this up after listening to a podcast: Anhedonia is the inability or reduced ability to feel pleasure. When a person suffers from anhedonia, they lose interest in the activities, hobbies, or experiences they used to love.
He finds no joy in most things and just goes through the motions many men him included would not recognize it as depression as we tend to have a picture in our heads of what that will look like. they get through there day but have no feeling about anything... perhaps in a rut or feeling their only thing is work and have lost what is important
@postpartum23mom
I appreciate your effort to fix things.
I have been considering this myself...... if some of the ignoring and scrolling my spouse does I feel it is due to what they call "high functioning depression"...in my spouse. Of course he would not admit to any issue.
i looked this up after listening to a podcast: Anhedonia is the inability or reduced ability to feel pleasure. When a person suffers from anhedonia, they lose interest in the activities, hobbies, or experiences they used to love.
He finds no joy in most things and just goes through the motions many men him included would not recognize it as depression as we tend to have a picture in our heads of what that will look like. they get through there day but have no feeling about anything... perhaps in a rut or feeling their only thing is work and have lost what is important
Not to sound awful, but he does do things other than work and home. He goes out at least once a week with his friends.Because I didn't want to be the wife who kept him from that lifestyle of having friends and having fun. But as a traditional wife I always have the kids . I am jealous that he gets to do all that while I'm.You know stuck at home. I don't ask him to do anything cause if I do I know it will become a big deal. For instance, not only do I do the inside tours.I also do the outside chores such as cut our grass.
And handle any repairs that need to be done. It has gotten to the point.Even his own family has asked me why I stay.
@postpartum23mom
my kids are grown but you are writing my story....
I made all sorts of workarounds did all the chores .... never did for myself.... even when he went out ..... i told myself i would not be that nagging wife and he deserved timeout for all his work....i mistakenly thought if i would do more he would notice ... it does NOT work .... he does not respect you or the marriage
In the end all our kids want zero to do with him ...
by the time i stood up and did things for myself ... demanded equal effort ... it is too late............. we are civil roommates stuck in a dead marriage because at our age we do not have years to get over the financial damage a divorce would cost..... I regret it every day... i know you planned for until death due u part but that was a deal made by 2 people and only ONE is holding that up.
i will not say leave but let you know it is NOT a phase ..it does not fix itself and i wish i had spoke up years earlier. .... especially for my kids ... i have to go see them alone as they simply have zero feelings for their father and he EARNED that by his behavior.
have you considered he might be hoping you will grow tired and leave ......and he can act surprised and "does not know why". In his story it is your fault and he is victim?????
look up if someone give first visit consult on divorce .... what to expect.... what division of assets look like
perhaps you can wake him up to reality when he sees how much alimony and child support will make it hard for him to support himself too. Some people only learn the hard way.
Thank you for listening and replying. I've recently been talking to my therapist and she to thinks it maybe time I show him that a marriage can't be a one sided thing.
@postpartum23mom
i am glad you are seeing that and hope you can salvage it i wish i had been able to but i was always worried he would not be happy or leave now i see that would have been better in the long run.
