Does it ever get easier?
My husband and I had an argument 5 days ago. He’s been giving me the silent treatment. I have slept on the couch for 3 nights. Then he invited me to go back to our room. We talked a little bit about our argument. Talked about what needed to change. It was a calm conversation. He has been giving me the silent treatment ever since the argument happened. We communicate only when it’s something that has to be said about vehicles, our kids or something that is important. We are slowly getting back to talking and doing things together. Does this feeling I have about us never getting back to normal ever go away? Will it get back to normal? Does this ever go away and get easier? I want us to be better with each other. I was us to be happy and be able to love each other without this being in the way.
@compassionateFriend6011
It gets back to "normal" but that is not the same as back to where it was....
really big or deep arguments are IMO like pruning a flower ... in long run...... better for plant and will spur new growth ... but growth and change does not always result in same plant / condition. I think too many people after a argument want to patch it up like it did not happen when they should reflect on real change .... while the "we talked about changes " is almost always said the follow thru takes action not talk..... and on the road to being better with each other you have to rework your normal.
@compassionateFriend6011 You might want to check this out
Feeling Good Together, Dr. David Burns
I don’t see a link
@compassionateFriend6011 Oh sorry, it’s a book title (Available from Amazon Kindle or Apple’s iBooks have it). It’s available in print, electronic format and even audio format if you like,
What is the name of the book?
@compassionateFriend6011 it is “ Feeling Good Together” by Dr David Burns.
@compassionateFriend6011 Have you considered talking to him and letting him know in a gentle manner how this situation is making you feel and all that you wrote here that you wish you guys were better and normal with each other? Let him know you care about him and love him and you are a team and can work it out whatever the conflict is. You know your situation best. I don't know if it gets better or not for all; every situation and marriage is unique. And you will get what you put into it. If he is also genuine and can maturely handle things and cares for you, he will meet you halfway once you try to reach out. But once you have sorted things out, I'd say do let it go and not let too much time pass or your ego hold you back as that may build up resentment over time.
Thanks, I have spoke with him today. We did have a good conversation. I don’t want to relive what we went through. I told him how it was making me feel and how I regret what I caused us to go through and I apologized. Told him I want to move forward. I don’t want to go back. I just want my husband back, I want us to be together and work this out. I have been feeling like I’m walking on eggshells right now due to giving him space. I think we are making progress. It’s still a numb feeling inside of me. It hurts like ***. I know we won’t get back to our normal. I just hope we can find a new and better normal than we had.
@compassionateFriend6011 I believe you could go back to normal and past normal to a much stronger and fulfilling relationship. If you want to, but it takes a little bit of work - ego challenging work - skills building work - but there is nothing short of magic on the other side. Not the kind of, “I can rule the world and become rich beyond my dreams” kind of magic, but the, “this makes perfect sense and works much better than I could have hoped for” kind of magic. Check out that book if you are wanting more than half a notch below your previous status quo.
@compassionateFriend6011 It's natural to feel anxious and uncertain after an argument with your spouse. The aftermath of a disagreement can create emotional distance and tension between partners. However, the fact that you are slowly getting back to talking and doing things together is a positive sign that things might improve.
@compassionateFriend6011
@devorba987
I feel your pain. Suffering from love. I think you love your husband enormously, maybe too much. And so am I. I love my husband more than I love myself. And they say that he who loves more suffers more. On the other hand, at some point, marriage becomes something very practical. I hope God gives you clarity of thought and strength of soul to manage the critical situation at this moment in your life. God help us. And you, and me. Because I'm going through something similar.
