Discarded after giving all I could
I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I don't even recognize anymore. It started out so supportive and caring. But slowly turned. At first he would not talk to me for a couple days if we had a minor fight. That turned into him not talking to me for a couple days if I was under stress / having panic attacks. He was talking to his ex gf, and I didn't find out about it for months, she tattood him and he took her to dinner (at my favorite restaurant)
After that, he finally let it slip that she was his ex girlfriend.
Due to me being stressed with school and it being near the holidays, I felt like I couldn't tell him how much it upset me.
Fast forward to February, he takes her out again right after Valentines day, he casually mentioned it to me via text while he was paying for their meal. And then he didn't talk to me that weekend and I ended up feeling like there was something I was doing that was wrong. And after the break up he admitted to seeing her again after one of our fights. Where he cried on her shoulder.
I've been seeing a councilor since November but he would constantly tell me to go to therapy, while also telling me I have abandonment issues, I can't be alone, I'm losing my independence, and I'm so insecure. I live on my own, I have a 4.0 gpa and I used to be super confident.
He left me a week after he flashed me to an uber driver.
That was 3 months ago and I'm still a mess, deeply depressed, I'm not myself anymore, he has since apologized and told me that I deserved better, but all the other things said during that 5 hour conversation just feels like manipulation now.
How do I start focusing on myself when I have always been someone who feels at my best when I'm helping others?
How do I come to terms and fully understand why I let someone treat me so poorly?
I feel like I'm going crazy
@StupidGirl25
I think it is harder on those who are independent and feel confident about themselves finding a situation where for the sake of relationship and others feelings we let things go and accept some poor treatment or not deal with items we would have before.
when in a breakup or sometimes even fight we start to question how we got there ... we are smart functional people ...but when we have love for someone we often let more leeway then we think we will. in the aftermath....... of course we miss them / sad items did not work as we wanted and also mad at ourselves for not seeing something early/ or standing up to poor treatment..........
if a friend came to us with same story we would support and lift them as not their fault and thsi will pass and be OK .... WHY not be that to ourselves and see past what we see as mistakes.
I'm in a similar situation. Look into attachment styles.the gf I was dating had disorganized attachment with me being anxious attachment.the most painful month experience of my life.focus on connecting with the divine within to heal your heart
@StupidGirl25
I'm sorry to hear about the difficult and hurtful experiences you've been through in your relationship. It's understandable that you're feeling deeply depressed and not like yourself anymore. Going through such challenging experiences can have a significant impact on our emotional well-being and self-perception.
To start focusing on yourself, it's important to prioritize self-care and self-compassion. Remind yourself that you deserve love, respect, and happiness. Take small steps each day to engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. This could include pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones who support you, or engaging in self-care practices like exercise, meditation, or journaling. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it's necessary for your well-being.
Coming to terms with why you allowed someone to treat you poorly can be a complex and challenging process. It's important to recognize that you are not responsible for someone else's actions or behavior. Manipulative individuals often exploit vulnerabilities and distort our perceptions, making it difficult for us to recognize the mistreatment.
Healing takes time and it's okay to feel a range of emotions. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself to grieve, and seek support when needed. You deserve to be treated with love and respect