Deflated
My partner has told me that after many years of feeling like her life has been put on hold because of me that she feels massively let down and like all I do is break promises consistently. She says this was not the life we she envisaged when we got together 10 years ago. She wants to break up. I don't. She says she doesn't want words and she feels numb she wants me to leave. Again I don't, I want to make things right. It feels like every time I say something it is met with anger.
I keep trying to connect back. I feel like everything is crumbling. We have always had a connection and I feel at a loss to be pushed away. I hate that she says she isn't happy and I don't think I'm wrong for feeling like I want to make things better. I'm just not sure how when I'm met with anger 80% the time I say something.
I know her anger and frustration comes from my too chilled approach to life. I think because of this she thinks I don't care but I do. I can find normal things challenging like dealing with people, it is draining where she is the complete opposite. I think because we're not the same in that respect it causes issues. Maybe I have taken too long to make decisions or do actions and she has seen that as I don't care. I do though and it's not like she hasn't been by my side the whole time so even if she doesn't agree woth what I think have been issues for me, she's still aware of times I've felt challenged. I think our different perspectives is the cause of where the anger comes from. In her opinion just get on with it. While I wish I could do that more like I say I have struggled.
I'm just not sure what to do now. I keep trying to reach out but feel deflated. I just wanted to rant.
@conscientiousNickel7021 Just some thoughts…I could be way off base so I apologize in advance, but here is my impression…
If she is saying break up and you’re saying “no we have this connection” it may be she feels unheard yet again. You can “hear” the facts of her complaint all day long, but can you act on the facts? Perhaps if she sees evidence of action she’ll change her mind. If you’re eliciting 80% anger from her, all the more reason for her to hop out the door that much sooner. Is there any little way you can show her you can meet her needs? Not in a hey look at me here I’m doing what you asked kind of way, but act without mentioning it.
@PineTreeTree thanks for your feedback, I really appreciate it.
I have been trying to do little things but she says I've got 20 plates spinning because I've left things like that and all things are important things to our relationship which I have neglected and I've neglected her. I said I hold my hands up I haven't always said I'm the problem but maybe the way I go about things is a problem but I've never meant for her to feel like I'm being deceitful. She said it takes more than just being physically present to be in a relationship which I completely understand. But now it feels like there can be a trigger which triggers a load of other stuff and it just completely over shadows any efforts I make to try make things better.
Things might be alright for a few weeks but then the same thing happens and escalates usually from something really small.
I can't completely change my personality but I feel sometimes that probably what she wants because she's fed up
@conscientiousNickel7021 You might want to give this a listen
https://youtu.be/O5PYe0XIMhY?si=Hdl-6Wo5bNmz0wqS
Sbbrn
I believe you should self reflect and make some changes in yourself as every relationship requires some changes to be made in one self as per other person’s emotional expectations.
At the same time, i feel you should give her space for a few days and pestering her would for sure drive her away. Just give a couple of days, then go back to her, tell her that you are willing to improve on things that she feels is not as per her emotional expectations and show some gestures for same.
best of luck