Boundaries???
My boyfriend has a spare room which he told me was “My room” so I could work remotely or just have time to myself, kind of like a Woman Cave. I decorated it to my liking. But….when I went home to my own personal apartment he allowed his sister in-law to sleep in “My room” (which has my personal items and bedding) without my permission. He knows I am very territorial and he has another spare room which is his Man Cave which she could have slept in. I got extremely upset because I DO NOT like people touching my things! It’s an instant trigger! He did not ask prior to and his response was “Sorry, you feel that way” which I feel is a sarcastic “F**k You” when a person doesn’t relate to how you feel or even care. Am I overreacting? What should I do?
@keke1104
i think it sounds like he did not realize how triggering this was for you and your feelings about other people touching your things....
it is a room in his home and while you may have run of it when it is just you both there you have your own place too ... most likely he let guest sleep in there as it might have more inviting/ and nicely done then his man cave.
i think he was not being sarcastic but at a loss of how to fix situation since it already happened not like he could turn back time after seeing how upset your are.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I received it very well. He definitely knows how triggering it is but it is more inviting than his man cave. At the end of the day his actions shows that he doesn’t see anything wrong with inviting people into “My room” I decided to remove my things and view it as a guest room since it isn’t my house.
@keke1104 If someone gifts you something, and says it is yours ... then takes it back ....
He may be acting like you two are a couple, it is a shared space and as a couple, he can offer stuff that belongs to you both, to another person. Whether he views it this way or not, why did he not let you know first? Shared space or yours, why did he not ask your permission? These are things that can be calmly discussed.
I don't know if he was malicious or just ignorant. In either case, I talk about my feelings and discuss expectations. If someone gifts me a room, I'd ask if I can put a lock on the door. If the hesitate or are uncertain in any way, then I immediately know that it isn't really mine.
@keke1104 Hi, I'm Celine :) You should have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel. Explain why your personal space is important to you and how it affects you emotionally when someone else uses it without your permission. While your feelings are important, try to understand his perspective too. Sometimes, people might not fully grasp the emotional significance attached to personal spaces. Have a good talk with each other and come up with a compromise for next time.
@matchalover89 Hi Celine. I’m Keisha thank you for your response. I definitely understand the importance of expressing how I feel. Unfortunately, this is not the first time we’ve had a similar situation. After going on a 9 minute explosive rant…a light bulb went off and I realized he’s not going to change and it’s not my room. I decided to take my things out, self care and relax. I’m definitely moving past it.