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Are my friends right about him? Please tell me your opinion!

imaginativeMaple9828 April 30th, 2023

Hi,

I am feeling very confused and I really need a neutral opinion from external people!


I am 33 female, being in a relationship with a 50 year old guy.

We have been together for 6 years and I am generally happy.

I feel safe around him, we have good times together. He is very kind to me: prepares me breakfast, takes to some places i need to go, e.g. doctor, hairdresser etc.

So, I would say that he expresses his love through act of service.

He also said that he wants me to feel free. I mean it is okay when i travel with friends without him or organising events on my own.


I would lie if i told you that i dont like it. I think every woman loves to be spoiled by her man. Or am i wrong here?

The only significant problem i have with him is that he is emotionally unavailable. He does say that he loves me, doesnt touch me that much. Sex is good, but not so passionete, like when i feel that the man is in love.

I had issues with this at the beginning but later on i realized how much he does for me and that it compensates the lack of emotional conversation and connection.


The thing is that my friends who care about me started telling me things about my relationship.

For example, they said that it is not natural that a man does so much spoling, too much act of service. They think that he is very smart and manipulates me to stay with him. He acts like a superman so i cannot imagine my life without him. I dont believe that i will ever find such a great man. They say that he knows that as a younger woman i might want to find a younger man. Although i font want kinds and maybe i will never want.

That's why he tries to keep me and "waste" my time. He implanted the idea that he is a super boyfriend and no one can give this to me.

He says he gives me feedom but my friends say that he is actually manipulating me and this freedom is an illusion because i always think that there is no better man. He textes me every hour and sends me emojis or pictures. He probably does that to make me not to forget him. I don't know if this is true. My friends say this is not normal. Because this way, i always reply to him do he knows where i am and what am i doing which is the opposite of freedom.

I was angry with my friends because it hurt when they told me these things. They said that they have wanted to tell me for 2 years but didn't want to. Now there was a situation that provoked them and spilled the beans...


Do you think i should be careful with my boyfriend? Is he really trying to manipulate me to stay with him by giving me acts of service and freedom that doesn't exist?

I can't believe that.. but the truth is i know it is hard for women to understand the situation in the relationship when they are in it. That's why i need some fresh and neutral opinion! Please help me with that!

Thank you so much!

2
toughTiger6481 April 30th, 2023

@imaginativeMaple9828

i ask because it seems they are putting their own thoughts into your business ........ my stepfather was an act of service type ........all ways did things for my mom..... i did not dwell on personal items like intimacy but they did very well for decades.

Many would love a man who does gifts of service as so many get very little out of their partner.

My only hesitation is the lack of connection while the sex may be good for know maybe someday you will miss the passion like you did at first. I think i would, but on the other hand my passion and connection has just faded every year .....

i would have liked my doing things for me instead of a memory of passion........

Only you can make this decision and if your friends respect you they should let it go.



dukeofdearham May 1st, 2023

@imaginativeMaple9828,

ignore your friends.