Am I wrong?
I am just looking for some advice on whether my feelings are validated or not.
My bf (been together 4 years) and I live together and we are firm believers in splitting things 50/50. This past year he was laid off from work. He will be returning next year, the place he works is doing renovations so he is guaranteed to return by 2025.
Previous to this he worked long days and a long commute usually 6 days a week. I work a Monday-Friday, 9-5 close to home. I was doing all the grocery shopping and household chores since I had more time to do them. I felt that it was fair since he was working more than me.
Now that he is off I feel differently. I expect him to do more work around the house because he is home. Don’t get me wrong he does do all the outdoor chores, and cooks dinner most nights. But I am still expected to do all the inside chores (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, bathrooms, etc.)
When I come home from work the last thing I want to do is clean and I’ll admit some things haven’t been done in awhile. We got into a huge fight because he believes I should be doing everything inside if not more because there are lots of outdoor chores I cannot do (ex cutting grass) or home renovation stuff (painting walls). I just don’t feel that this is fair.
He goes to bed when he wants, gets up when he wants. He has a whole 8 hours without me to do what he wants and sometimes I come home and all he has done is watch tv.
When I try and bring it up he says he has done plenty over the years and it’s my turn to pick up the slack.
@forcefulSea7026 So you both believe in 50/50? You may agree, but it seems you don’t agree what 50/50 really means. If he has done plenty “through the years,” does that mean he has a “bank account” of effort and you have to catch up? If that’s what he is saying, I call that bull poop. 50/50 means you both AGREE what that means, and it clearly can get fuzzy and subjective. The actual level of effort or skill measured in calories or whatever silly measure IS NOT worth you both fighting about it. How you both feel is really what is important. So come together on what you CAN agree on which is the relationship - how you both feel should be the 50/50 not whether there is a towel on the floor or a patch of unmowed grass. So kiss and make up damnit 😂
@forcefulSea7026
No you are not wrong when you both were working and contributing it is 50/50
even if spouse if just off for a vacation week or home when i have to work he does things that would normally fall into my list. i assume 50/50 is not just about money but if someone has more time to give they should .... anyone that resorts to keeping some sort of tab and want credit for past deeds is not partnership materiel they need to grow up .
@forcefulSea7026
Just a question to assess the dynamic in your distribution of the 50/50
If it were you that had been laid off for a year, would you take on all the outdoor tasks in addition to all the household ones that you had already always been doing?
