im sorry
Dear family,
Im sorry for not being the person you need or the one you want. I know I grew up to be something else I guess. I'm coward, stupid, useless. I know I am a burden too you. I'm sorry for not being able to help you now, I know I made you waste tons of money on my education for nothing. I wish I could tell how hard it is for me to deal with this weight of not being good enough, of not being the daughter you were expecting. I have never been the person you expected. The one helping you through this hell we've been through. God, I know im sorry. I wish I could tell you my feelings, without feeling you are going to judge me. I dont know how to live, how do you live? I wish I was normal, I wish I wasnt scared of everything, but i am.
I need more than just "pray" I need help, I need a hug. I need you to tell me everything will get better even if is not. I need you to understand. I'm in hell right now. I am slowly dying and you dont even know. I want to die and you dont even know. And you make everything worse.
I know I am not the person you want, the one you wish I were and im sorry. I wish I could just go out to the world, find a job make tons of money and repay you but IM SO SCARED OF THE WORLD. and you dont understand! I need you to help me and you are not there.
im sorry, im so sorry for not being a good daughter, for not being a good sister. im sorry.
You are not alone in these feelings. I struggle with them every single day. I have made bad choices - that have hurt my family and have hurt myself. Love and guidance feels like judgment, I want my family to understand me. To see my insecurities without focusing on them, choose to not mention the second helping of food I am using to calm my fears, combat my depression, or feel loved.
Please don't feel alone.
Please don't feel alone. Your family will not going to leave you, family is forever.
I know how you feel - I was never good enough for my mother.. and she is still judgemental and I am now 62, so you can guess how old she is. I know this is just how SHE is, it's not me. And it isn't you either. You are now a coward, stupid or useless. Sometimes your family just can't be what you want or need, and that is hard. Try not to ever describe yourself ( as a person) that way. You may do stupid things and maybe cowardly things and useless things - but, hey.. who doesn't? You apologized, and perhaps you needed to, but don't swell in the downside. Look up at the sunrise and ask yourself what one thing you can to TODAY that will be good and helpful, to yourself or others. It will snowball as soon as you start. I'm cheering for you.
@MusicCandy
OH please forgive the typo - you are NOT ( not now) a coward 0 see we all flub up!!