friendship problems
two weeks ago, i had a chat with a friend that turned out badly. i had been inadvertently hurting her feelings with some things i said about a fandom (even when i thought i was bonding over it). it was a fandom that i have tried to distance myself from but she recently fell in love w it again. at first i tried to steer the conversation away from it, but she said that wasnt fair. and eventually it led to our sort of fight in which she addressed that my attitude was hurting her.i felt really guilty for days bc i didn't mean to hurt her, i wasnt a good enough listener (plus i was v depressed at the timr already) . we are long distance friends in different time zones so we don't chat often and even tho i did apologize i dont know if we can still be the same. im hurt that she would think i am the type of person to look down on her and im hurt that she implied her supporting me thru depression and self harm in the past means i owe her this. since a fandom is minor in comparison. and i feel guilty about being hurt bc it started out with my hurting her. :// we haven't really spoken. i dont know how much to reach out or give her space. and my trust issues are telling me that she won't ever truly forgive me. even tho that's not a fair assumption to make. idk how we went from best friends to thinking that i would talk down to her and thinking that she would leave me over not sharing a fandom, but i think that is where we are now. im coming to terms with not trying to punish myself or blame me or her but this limbo is extremely lonely. i have tried to talk to others about it and they're just sick of the topic. i haven't felt this isolated in a while.