friendship problems
two weeks ago, i had a chat with a friend that turned out badly. i had been inadvertently hurting her feelings with some things i said about a fandom (even when i thought i was bonding over it). it was a fandom that i have tried to distance myself from but she recently fell in love w it again. at first i tried to steer the conversation away from it, but she said that wasnt fair. and eventually it led to our sort of fight in which she addressed that my attitude was hurting her.i felt really guilty for days bc i didn't mean to hurt her, i wasnt a good enough listener (plus i was v depressed at the timr already) . we are long distance friends in different time zones so we don't chat often and even tho i did apologize i dont know if we can still be the same. im hurt that she would think i am the type of person to look down on her and im hurt that she implied her supporting me thru depression and self harm in the past means i owe her this. since a fandom is minor in comparison. and i feel guilty about being hurt bc it started out with my hurting her. :// we haven't really spoken. i dont know how much to reach out or give her space. and my trust issues are telling me that she won't ever truly forgive me. even tho that's not a fair assumption to make. idk how we went from best friends to thinking that i would talk down to her and thinking that she would leave me over not sharing a fandom, but i think that is where we are now. im coming to terms with not trying to punish myself or blame me or her but this limbo is extremely lonely. i have tried to talk to others about it and they're just sick of the topic. i haven't felt this isolated in a while.
Hello @dreamforward
I'm sorry you went through this, my friend. I have read your entire story, I felt that at some point she misunderstood you, I know how you feel about your friend. It sounds like you need to give her space. There?s nothing you can do at this point but wait it out.
Now, There?s a wall of silence between you. She isn?t answering your text messages or voicemails, and is ignoring your Facebook comments.
Sending an email or snail mail (note or card) to your friend, telling her you miss her and want to talk, gives her a chance to respond without being caught off-guard.
Conversely, if you were the one who was wronged and the friendship is important to you, consciously decide to forgive your friend in order to save the friendship. Try to think about what happened from her perspective and accept her apology. If her behavior is consistently ambivalent and unpredictable, forgiveness may not be the right fix.
You?ve approached your friend to sort out the problem and you?ve been ignored or rebuffed. Perhaps your friend needs more time to get over her anger and disappointment. Maybe you need time apart (what I call a friendship sabbatical) to realize how much you mean to each other. On the other hand, you both may breathe a sigh of relief during the trial separation.
My point is: find a way to surrender and let it be as it is, without giving up and walking away. Apologise. Ask for a second chance. Let her know your door is open and she can take all the time she needs. And then surrender again and let it be as it is.
However, it would be much healthier to focus on other people rather than sitting around waiting for her, time will say everything. Hope this helps. *hugs*
thank you so much. i have apologized again and again in the first convo that she brought it up and we sort of worked it out. but idk there is still silence now. i guess the ball is in her court and j have to accept that. im going to keep this in mind tho and try to focus on my other friendships.
Yah, it needs some time to fix it up. Just don't be rush onto it.You?ll see for yourself if all that you?ve done for them ever mattered.Just wait and see what actually happens.I'll be thinking of you! ::hugs::
And above all, remember to take care of yourself through the process because it can be easy not to. I care about you, and I'm here to talk if you need me. Keep updating me here,how it is going.
as an update: she and i have been taking it slowly. not as active in each other's lives ar all but still passing moments on shared social media. it's been a little over a month of this limited contact, still really painful for me altho idk how it is for her. but she contacted me (made the first move since this happened basc) and we are arranging some time together. im scared things wont be the same. if not bc of her than bc or my own paranoia. but at least we are moving somewhere, idk where, it's just not limbo anymore. ty for reading and listening.
looking at this likr a sabbatical is a much better perspective. ty again.