Requesting advice on how to approach this
I wanted to get some perspective and advice on this.
I have been friends with my best friend for 12 years. While we've had our ups and down, I recently observed some issues on which I want to get some perspective.
- Lately (over this past year), I've noticed that almost always I initiate the conversation. We've had a back-and-forth chat that we've kept going almost everyday for the past 3-4 years. But over this past year, I've noticed that only I tend to start the conversation. Like have you heard this thing, have you seen this tweet, I bought this new book etc.
- If there's an issue/breakdown/something that triggers me, she's my go-to person for help. She's the first person I turn to. She's the one person I share most of my thoughts with. But incase of an issue that she faces, she's never shared it with me. She always tends to process things alone (I'm not saying it's a bad thing).
- I've always tried to pin down my feelings, my thoughts and what triggers it. As far as I know, she's never been vocal about what goes on. If I ask her questions like what are you feeling right now, was there a specific trigger that made you feel like this, when did you notice a shift in your mood, the answer has always been I don't know. I've always been like this. I'd tried to find an answer before, but now I just don't. And she disappears for days from IM/chats. I get that it's her way of dealing with things but there have been several occasions when I'd be left without a reply for days. I've known to be really codependent so all of this triggers my insecurities and anxieties. I don't expect her to respond to my messages or engage in conversation but I feel like a simple message like hey, I don't feel good. I'll talk later when I feel like it would be sufficient.
Now, we've gone days without a reply. For someone who's been constantly texting back-and-forth for 3-4 years and going to days without a message, it feels weird and distant. I want to approach this maturely so it would be really helpful if y'all could give some perspective.
@grayOwl035
I would agree with you that a simple "i am taking a break or you might not hear from me in a while " is what a friend would do.....
it is also hard to deal with those who internalize their issues and perhaps if they did share a bit with you ... they may get some insight they did not have.
In this day and age where people using text or communicating online etc many get left with questions.....when i started talking with someone i make a deal and say if you need break fine just say so and if you no longer want to talk we agreed to say so not ghost. if they respond soon maybe just let them know you are concerned about them and worry when they do not even get a simple message like "have a good day " ..............that is mine and my friends phrase when we acknowledge each other but know the other is busy that day to respond.
