Need advice/input
Didn't know I had anxious attachment style until I met this new friend on vacation. We are both the same gender. We clicked so well that I thought she was my soulmate. I find out she doesn't like compliments nor does she like anything emotional. We stayed in contact through emails but she was slowly distancing herself from me until I became so anxious. I think I am trying to be friends with someone who has a dismissive attachment styles. I feel we are polar opposites. I am emotional and like to get close to someone whereas she is not emotional and enjoy her free time when she wants. What triggered my anxiety was when she disappeared for an unusual amount of time that I thought something happened to her after a 10 day trek on a mountain trip. My anxiety lead me to call the police to check on her. She made the reason of being away on another vacation she didn't tell me about. This was after her 10 day trek vacation she told me about was completed. I never imagined she would go on another vacation. She thinks I acted crazy and wants no contact with me anymore. Now I am not sure what to do. I have not contacted her for 3 weeks. I have been working on myself to not be so attached & emotionally needy. I want to be a better friend to her now that I know what she doesn't like. I enjoy hearing her adventures & she is smart. I read that after 6 weeks a dismissive person will start to miss someone. I am planning to write to her then. Is this salvageable? Any Advice?
@Temesgen9 maybe its best to move on its hard to know if she will respond if you were to write a letter if not maybe it means that the friendship is over and that does happen sometimes people either change or go seperate ways.
@kitkat34567 thank you for your feedback. I only have one other experience of having a really close friendship & that turned out really bad since that person was only using me. In the beginning it was the highest highs so the ending really hurt. I still have that person constantly in my mind & this was 5/6 years ago. Maybe I am taking friendships too seriously?
@Temesgen9 Maybe since friendships take time to delveop if the person got scared its probably best to move on and not contact them.
@kitkat34567 makes sense. I think you might be right... Moving on seems to be the best option.
Hey everyone,
I recently broke up with my boyfriend for various reason about 4 days ago. We were fighting a lot and it seemed like I barelt got to do the things I normally wanted to do. I put on a lot of weight as well whenever I was dating him. I normally am super super active and love working out, but like I said I never got to do things that I wanted such as working out because he never wanted to. However, I am missing him a lot, we dated for almost 2 years and it kinda sucks not having him around. I love him I do and Im wondering if what I did was a mistake or if its whats best for me. I need some input guys, this is stressing me out a lot.
@jadele hi, you mentioned while with him, you never did the things you wanted to do. Was he controlling and maybe did not want you to do fun things without him?
Maybe its a good time to put your mental and emotional health first and give yourself the space to make this decision. Workout and get some rest and if you get the urge to talk to him, try writing a letter of what youd want to say. If the topic of convo seems healthy enough, perhaps try reaching out if youre ready. But if you find yourself happier on your own, maybe its best to keep the letter to yourself.
/all the best
@tallMaple4202 yeah he always wanted to do things with me, and if I wanted to hang with someone else for a change it would result in a fight.