Need Advice on how to educate on suicide
I went through a low mental state this summer, really contemplating staying alive or not. My roommate (now ex roommate & ex bestfriend) always preaches about being there for people if they need anything with mental health. I ended up reaching out to her since she was so close to me physically (roommate) & also because she always says she will be there for someone if they need it. Im going to save the details bc they arent the point of this but basically she handled it very badly & it sent me on an even deeper spiral bc i had used the last of my strength to ask her for help.
luckily another friend noticed & was able to help me. but not everyone is that lucky.
one thing that still really bugs me is the fact that shes still posting about being there for people with mental health. its suicide prevention month & i kinda wanna text her & educate her cuz thats the point of having a month for something.
texting her something like:
if u wanna be an advocate for mental health, great
if youre not in the mental place to be an advocate for mental health, thats perfectly okay
whats NOT okay is advertising youre a mental health advocate & then when someone comes to you, you ignore them
i dont want her to do it to someone else & i really want to get the message across because she walked away with no remorse & it hurts me to know she could do it to someone else. is this a good idea? is there a better way to word it? i want her to listen so she can be better for someone else.
@Mandi365
Hey there, I understand that you went through a tough time and were disappointed after talking to your best friend about it because she's an advocate for mental health which made you reach out to her and be hopeful to get help. Unfortunately, that ended up worse but I'm glad you're feeling better now and this another friend was able to be of help.
I also understand that you'd like to tell her that what she's doing is wrong and educate her on it. It's totally upto you how you convey it to her and get the message across because you know her and your friendship the best. I see that you're very straightforward in your message which is a nice thing but probably you could try and add some sweet words to make her understand your view point better and how you felt when you didn't get the help you needed which is why you don't want anyone else to feel the same way. Sometimes, we need to put our emotions out there to make the other person understand our view point better and not feel offended by it.
You could also try a letter writing exercise where you write a letter/ a note to her stating everything you want to say to her but don't send it to her and read it by yourself after some time when you cool off. You can then read it again and make the necessary changes and strike out the sentences which you wrote in the heat of the moment because of your heightened emotions and aren't very significant to get the message across.
Here's a link where you can read about how yo carry out the letter writing exercise:
https://www.7cups.com/wiki/letter-writing-exercise-improve-communication-in-relationships/
I hope this helps.
Good luck and take care! :)
@Affliction1 thank you !!
@Mandi365
It's no problem. Please feel free to message me if you need to talk more about it :)
@Mandi365
Assuming this is regarding a non-7cups activity...
It seems they just need to be formally trained.
Education for dealing with at-risk people goes from a few hours training to several days. The continuum is shown on a diagram near the bottom here.
WHAT TO DO:
For the average person, the main things to do are:
(according to most ~2 hour training programs like QPR)
1) Listen and Watch for clues.
2) Then QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer)
WHAT TO DO DETAILS...
1) LISTEN AND WATCH FOR CLUES
Listen and watch for CLUES they give you that something is bothering them a lot. That is their way of telling you somethings is wrong.
See if they are unusually careless, moody, withdrawn, abusing substances.
Listen for signs they are alone, have a big burden, have no purpose, want to escape.
Sense if they are desparate, hopeless, numb, ashamed.
Learn if there has been abuse, rejection, loss, past self-harm history or attempts.
2) QPR (QUESTION, PERSUADE, REFER)
(it's like a sort of emergency CPR for suicide)
Q - QUESTION Ask them if they are thinking about ending things if you hear those CLUES above.
Listen to what they have to say.
P - PERSUADE Persuade the person to allow you to assist them in getting help right now by getting them in touch with trained crisis services.
R - REFER Then if they say okay, actually refer them to the trained crisis services as seems appropriate by giving them a phone number or text number or help them actually make the contact at that moment, or if necessary even escort them to a crisis service center.
The trained crisis services can do what is appropriate, including helping them create a "Safety Plan" among other things.
Here are details resources regarding what to do and not do:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-recovery-coach/201802/how-using-qpr-can-prevent-suicides
https://www.zurinstitute.com/clinical-updates/teen-suicide-preventable-tragedy/
Regarding more advanced skills,
there is a continuum of training levels, each of which address different phases of interaction with the person as shown in the picture below.
The lowest level is no formal training. People just read info they find somewhere.
More advanced is the minimally formally trained person.
Then there are more advanced formal training.
Each has limitations to their abilities to help the person properly due to training coverage.
Below are trainings offered by https://www.livingworks.net/trainings
SafeTALK is 4 hours.
ASIST Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training is 2 days.
Please excuse any typos above.
