Late partner’s friends + my new relationship
I’ve tried to sort out/understand several issues regarding my relationship on here recently so I’d like to see some feedback on this.
3 years ago my partner of 3 years died; he was young, it was tragic and unexpected and a bit controversial so it was a tough time at first navigating the tragedy and the relationships with his friends and family at first. Several of his friends reached out. There was one friend in particular of his I was really close to; he seemed to enjoy hanging out with both of us (ie never saw me as a burden or himself felt like a third wheel).
We had great memories together. my partner was in the military and I noticed due to living in close quarters they seemed to not have personal space and be touchy feely with others. This friend of his would hug me, pick me up playfully, threw me in a pool once (grabbing me and pushing me); my partner didn’t mind and I liked that he felt comfortable with me.
after my partner died I didn’t talk to this friend too much. He wasn’t living near anymore and was a bit removed from the situation. A month after he texted me but I never replied cause I was in a phase where I was distancing myself from people due to another friend of his ghosting me and just being confused by what everyone (his friends/family) wanted from/of me.
A few months later I got into my current relationship; my partner knows about my late partner and respects him/my relationship with his family but at the same time when I met my current partner things were still up in the air so I didn’t know how the relationships between me and my late partner’s friends/family would continue.
Recently that friend i was close to talked to my late partner’s family and they told me he asked about how I was so I asked for his new number. I still haven’t texted him; i feel Im holding back because I don’t want to make my partner uncomfortable. One time when I told him about me and that friend in passing my partner said, “he (my late partner) was ok with you two being so close?”
My partner is understanding but i think he has his boundaries/limits just due to who he is and also pasts with exes that perhaps caused distrust. I wish I had set the tone earlier on in the relationship I guess that I might be in contact/have friendships with late partner’s old friends. I regret not replying back then to the friend so i want to reach out now. I don’t want to have to run it by my partner or ask for permission. I think the fact that they’re guys makes it feel wrong; if this was a female I know I wouldn’t think twice to message them.
any feedback or thoughts or how as a partner one might feel?
