Intrusive friend
Hello everyone! I'm here seeking for some advices about an intrusive friend. She was new in my university so I breaked the ice with her and we started to chat and talking about courses and various arguments. Now she has become very very intrusive. If I don't replay a message she get upset, she talking about me and she as best friends and she sends me some gifts. She may seem kind, but this emphasis about our friendship makes me feel very uncomfortable. What could I do? Thank you so much for your support
@beekind13
It seems like she may be lonely and thinks you are a nice friend - which it sounds like you have been! I had a friend once who did not have as much going on as I did and would get upset if I didn't reply right away or wasn't able to hang out as much. I've also definitely texted my friends too much because I was lonely or anxious or didn't have enough going on! There are a lot of people right now (during COVID) who are really lonely, and that may be something she is struggling with. That said, if its bothering you, I would try and be direct with her about how busy you are and that you might need some more alone time for your studies. Hopefully she will understand. Maybe you can even suggest an online forum for her to join like this one!
@courageousFig8150
you are right. She seems to not understand that now that the lockdown has ended, I can't stay at phone all the day... Our routine is changed, and it's normal. I'm afraid that talikng about it wouldn't help. she uses double standards: if she is on holidays or away with her boyfriend, she does text me, if I don't do that for an afternoon she overreact, and when I text back she uses hearts and compliments that have no sense and forces the conversation and is intrusive with my life... I don't know what to do except for a graduated ghosting. Because I think she will be toxic sooner o later
@beekind13
It sounds frustrating! I think it sounds like she just wants the friendship more than you do. Not respnoding right away when she texts is one thing (which might help) but all out ghosting can be really hurtful. It is hard, but I think its always kindest to try to be direct. If she still doesn't understand when you talk to her, that's a different story, but I think its kind to try to explain how you feel! Maybe she will understand and text less or stop texting all together!
Trust your intuition. She sounds like an unsafe person and that the friendship is on her terms only. Set boundaries and hold them. When she figures out that she cannot manipulate you anymore, she will move on. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this; it is stressful. Realize that she is not concerned about your needs, only her own.
@helloTalker8798 exactly! You are the first who has centred the point. I'm afraid she is an unsafe person! It's not sane say something like "you have become one of the people most important for me" only because we talk about skincare, university stuff and things like these two. I'm afraid of a reaction like more attempts of manipulation. I have resisted every time but now I think she's become too ossessive. I think a graduate ghosting is the only solution.
