I'd rather not - friendship
I have a friend who is that person that is well intentioned but sort of oversteps my boundaries? Like I was in college and finding my way and starting to get independent right when she joined my major. She became a sort of constant tagalong, and due to her mental health/the fact she's younger than me I felt obligated to look out for her. I felt I had to keep the friendship positive because it was easier that way. Now that we're out of college, I guess I retoractively hate her? Like there's a lot of college memories I wish I had with other people and everytime she talks to me I feel like she's trying to shoehorn herself into more of my life and it sends me into a panic. We have a a lot of shared friends and I don't mind when we're both in the crowd, but I honestly never want to interact with her one-on-one ever again and I'm not sure how to say that nicely.
Just seeing if anyone has any feedback or thoughts on a situation like this.
@TeaCupPangolin
Maintaining and enforcing boundaries can be really hard, especially when we haven't been doing that with someone. I think it may be best to simply be direct with her and let her know that she's occupying too much of your time and that you need space from her. It'll probably hurt her a bit to hear it, but that's part of life and something she'll need to learn to deal with.
Otherwise, my advise is turning down or not offering to meet up with her one on one very often until she eventually gets the hint and hopefully backs off. Having less time spent with you will also probably be good for her, since she'll be able to hang out with other people as well.
Best of luck!
@TeaCupPangolin I'm sorry you're going through that and yes: I have seen and somewhat experienced the same thing. I think what you described is not out of bounds or ridiculous. Your friendship/relationship/connection has run its course and even though you still have friends/connections in common, you yourself don't want to really hang out with this person anymore (which is totally up to you!)
I think straight up saying that you're busy, you're not available, etc. is perfectly inbounds. She may have needs and maybe she needs friends but that is also not your responsibility (and as you say, you're fine in group settings but you're not interested in maintaining a personal relationship with just her). And so, because of that, you'll want to avoid being rude (awkward for mutual friends and all that), plus it can be upsetting to be completely cut off with no explanation. Not saying you're going to do that but I've experienced that and have seen others experience that when it seemed rather unnessary.
Good luck! I hope this helps.
