I don’t get it really

Yesterday I went over to my best friend’s house to hang out, and out of nowhere she says this mutual friend of ours (let’s call him Jake) was telling the story of how I got with an older man when I was drunk with them on a trip. I did not get with an older man. I was not sober, but I was so not drunk that when I finished kissing the dude I ran to jake and told him because omg that’s my first kiss with a guy!! He’s the only person that saw me kiss the dude, we talked about how he was cute and all that, but suddenly he comes out with this story????

So that’s the context to what happened on the trip. Now as to why Jake is spreading this different story, I have no idea. My best friend (let’s call her Blair) told me he was telling a couple of friends at a party they were at. They were laughing about it.

Now this is all where the issues begin.

1- why is my supposed friend jake making this shit up? Is he trying to make me mad in a we-joke-around-like-this way? Cause I never made shit up about him that’s for sure.

2- my two best friends were at that party (Blair and one that i didn’t mention let’s call her Blake). Blair didn’t tell anything about this until it just came up in conversation. When I told her I need time to process this, she told me “damn if you react like this I probably shouldn’t tell you next time” WHAT IN THE FUCK. Blake didn’t even breathe in my direction anything about this.

ive been thinking about this every single second since it happened and no matter the way I look at it, I can’t find a reason why they wouldn’t tell me, why they found it funny, why would they talk about shit I did at a random party I didn’t fucking attend??

3- I hated that kiss. I hated it because I didn’t get the guys name or anything. I hated myself after the trip because I actually did do a lot of stupid shit there, a lot of shit nobody knows and I would love for it to stay that way. The trip happened 6 months ago now and I was barely forgiving myself for the mistakes I made and now im all back into this fucking hate myself wagon.

My friends are no strangers to the extends to which I can overthink, in fact they are very much close to it too, so why on earth are they believing this dude over me? Why did they not tell me? Why were talking about it in the first place? What is really their perception of me?

4- I have a hard time staying in a single problem, so now this is not just jake spreads a lie problem, this is now a “my best friends don’t really care how I feel” problem, a “people probably see me as somebody that gets with whoever she cans” problem, a “I’m scared that my best friends leave me if I tell them this bothers me, why can’t I be a little less fucking intense” problem, a “why do I even care what people think?” Problem, a “why do I stay needing to prove myself to others” problem.

So now I feel lonely and like shit I don’t even smoke but I feel like a need a cigarette yk?