I am a liar - what do you think of me?
Ive been trying to work some stuff out in my head, cause I am ashamed of lying to people. Ive been doing it for years and didnt have any idea why until recently.
I lie about my main identity. Things like name, age etc. I pretty much just lie about my age now. I am 16 nearly 17 but my friends and boyfriend think I am 18. I now believe I do it because I was abused when I was younger. Once I escaped, I was very paranoid about my attacker finding me again, so I completely changed my appearance, and went by a different name and age. I go by my real name now, but telling people my age TERRIFIES me. It is the one thing left that makes me a different person from the one my abuser knew (does that make any sense?)
Anyway, its been nearly 5 years since I escaped, I have stopped isolating myself, am safe and now have a very large social life and a boyfriend. None of which know my real age. However, I reckon they will find out soon because I have a boyfriend now. I mean its pretty easy to keep friends at arms length, but you cant do that in a relationship. So he is bound to find out, or Ill end up telling him, and he is friends with all my friends so they will find out too. I cant really ask him to keep this secret from all our friends and carry on the lie can I.
Also, I had a relationship before the one Im in now and it ended because he found out that I was lying about my age. Now him and his friends hate me and dont understand.
So, I am telling you all this to ask you a question: if you were in my friends and boyfriends position, what would you think of me? If you were emotionally attached to me and had just found out I had been lying to your face all this time, could you forgive me?