Huge insecurities holding me back
So I have some deep emotional wounds and insecurities that are always sabotaging me when I'm trying to meet new people and maybe hopefully make friends.
I didn't have a great time in school, never made any friends and found the whole experience really painful. So school is a hard topic for me. Also just not having any friends means I don't have any plans or go travelling like most people my age. So just not having friends is my big one and then also my very boring life because of it are big insecurities.
I always start withdrawing and isolating myself because of these problems. How can I feel OK to carry on meeting people despite feeling so badly about my insecurities? The same problems wreck keep pushing me away from others.
Oh I'm sorry to hear how these insecurities are holding you back @Nairhair95. Can understsnd how you miss having friendships and being able to travel with others of your age. As you say its isolating. You talk of emotional wounds and I'm wondering whether you have thought of having some therapy to work on these, so that they don't continue to affect you in the same way.Beginning to feel more comfortable with oneself can be a key to being more okay in relationships. And many of us don't have a lot of freindships, just a few that are close. .
Often we meet people through shared interests, and when we are engrossed in this, we are more able to engage with others, often forgetting what holds us back.What interests do you have, what would you like to be involved with? Maybe this could be a way to get closer to just one person for a start.
Be encouraged. you are not alone in this... and we are here in suppot..
@rozie I've done therapy with I think 4 different therapists now. I don't honestly like just sitting down and talking about my problems, I think I'd prefer some kind of more engaging therapy, like something holistic. But anyway I'm a student so I no longer have the money for therapy but I don't mind because I've tried it so many times and I just don't like it. I didn't see the point in it.
But yeah I do like singing and I'm going away for a workshop where I'll meet loads of people my age. That's the reason I wrote this question because I'm really worried about acting the same way I always do when I'm in social situations. The last choir I was in I ended up not really making any friends because of my insecurities. I don't want that to happen again but I don't know what to do. I try talking to people but I always withdraw and then they stop talking to me. What can I do?
@Nairhair95 I really appreciate how you have been trying to find solutions for your self by going into therapy, but as you sayit didn't lead to solving this.You know we get into patterns of behavior and they keep repeating... and when you say you are fearful of the same thing happening again... can you see that this is a pattern you know well. How to change this pattern? In a repeating cycle, where can you interrupt it, where can you do something different? Maybe its about continuing to talk even when you feel like withdrawing...to focus on the other person and ask them about themselves can take the pressure off you..Because for a lot of us we get caught up in asking ourselves "what are they thinking of me?" and these thoughts trip us up. Suggest you think it over, and remember its not likely to change instantly, but the key is in making a small change first. interrupting that pesky pattern! All the best.
@Nairhair95
In my experience, people who have fewer friends are also some of the most intelligent people I've ever met. Having fewer friends makes people more observant and thoughtful. And these people also tend to have wonderful personalities. They're very caring and appreciative for the people who are in their lives. I suspect you're one of these people with an incredible mind and a big, warm heart.
So why be insecure? You're real. You're not someone who pretends to be something else just to conform to everyone else's expectations. And maybe you're socially awkward. But that's not a bad thing. It means you're still innocent. The poisons of social interactions haven't been inflicted on you yet. You're genuine. You're unique. And those are beautiful things. The people you let into your life will be especially lucky to have you as a friend. But while you wait for them to find you, just keep being who you are because there's nothing about you that needs to change. 
@Nairhair95
I am very very sorry that you had to deal with that, no one deserves that. I know that sometimes anxiety or fears come up and maybe overwhelm you about these past memories. They did happen though to make you stronger, and a better person. It is ok that you still get upset, that is understandable, but coping skills are great for this. Some times we need to look back and use those as precautions too, in future relationships. Like for instance, using what happened, as a red flag for the future. I also know from personal experience that making friends is very hard, especially for people with anxiety or are just shy. Just take baby steps, and you will be amazed by how far you will have come.
Best Wishes-Jess
