How to save friendship?
Hello good souls,
What are the ways to save/revive friendship?
For several years, I've been friends with a person who lied to me, but I found out much later. In addition, their mental state would get worse afterwards, so I did not want to throw accusations to make them feel worse about themselves. Having mental issues myself, I was miserable, but still thought I'd wait. But...
Since then, the relationship has been worse, with rare and short messages. Then I got to know there are some other friends in their life, and I know I should be happy about, but I can't help feeling left out. I don't really like those people, and I can't fathom why my friend would want to hang out with someone that shallow and caring only about looks. My friend behaves so different when they're around those people.
My friend has also casually mentioned about maintaining a romantic relationship that I cannot understand because they get easily manipulated by others. I have a problem with that, too... I can't help feeling angry and upset about it.
I'm a young adult, and I realise people have lives and they can (and usually have) multiple friends, however I still feel like a stupid immature child. Jealous? Mad? Left out? Etc.
Please does anyone recognise any causes and mechanisms of my feelings?
Also, how do you think I could improve my friendship?
Lots of love
@greenEyes2019
I am sorry to hear about it Eyes. It really feels horrible. Have you tried communicating about how you feel to them?
Thank you @ASilentObserver
I haven't tried yet, I've been waiting for the right moment, and it seems there is no right moment. In my mind, I feel I could only make everything worse by bringing up the topic whenever we contact each other.
@greenEyes2019 your friend is manipulated but he craves love and attention and "aims high" in his dreams so he is easilly hooked, but there is no meaning in that soul, manipulation for "prostitution". Their "beautiful" friends get a kick from controlling and manipulating him and he just does their bidding drooling with no self esteem or real feel for real love. Leave it be, if he will wake up and find true vaues he will come to you, if not, it is not even worth it...if he cannot respect himself how can he respect you? I will never give up my love for casual looks...
@SakoombaKero
Thank you for your thoughts on this.
Maybe I've described this situation with a bit harsh words, but your perspective gives some food for thought.
@greenEyes2019 If only a guess: you may feel a particular connection with this friendship. That that connection is is only something you really know, I think. From the outside I'm not really sure what it is that keeps you as "friends" but I've been there and sometimes you may not know yourself at the time (I didn't).
I will say this: from having similar experiences it's usually not worth it to keep such a friendship. It's not really one and it does sound like there is at least a surface level of dislike, even if it's something you feel is worth tolerating.
It is, of course, up to you. Good luck!
@ReadBooksDrinkTea,
Thank you for sharing this.
I have to admit, this is quite eye-opening for me, the thing about longing for something known and safe. Maybe this is why I can't get used to the changes in my friend's life.
Thank you again!
