Hello. I need some advice, or at least someone who reads this.
Hi, my name is P. and I'm 25.
I'm writing here because I need to talk to someone about my situation. I don't expect anything from you, I just need to write this to someone. It's going to be a long post, so sorry for it and sorry for my bad english.
I'm having a lot of problems right now, I'm struggling with depression, I have problems with my family, with some friends, I quit university but I can't find a job and so on.
But I think what's hurting me the most right now is what happened a few months back: I've been dating a guy since June, for some reasons (I won't explain) we didn't tell anybody. It was amazing. It was nothing too serious at first, but it was getting kinda serious. Two months ago I found out he had sex with my roommate. Just once, but he had been dating her in secret for a month or two.
I confronted him and he told me he was sorry, he said he was scared about how serious our relationship was becoming and he made a huge mistake. He also told me he didn't know what to do because the one time they had sex was her first time and when he told her he didn't want that to happen again she started insulting him and telling him she will be forever scarred by this and that he ruins people.
Of course I was mad at him and I argued with him a lot, but i could see that he really regrets what he's done. He told me he knows he's ruined the one good thing he had in his life (yeah, he has a lot of problems too) and he really is sorry.
My big problem right now is her. I said the relationship between me and this guy was secret, but she saw us kissing back in october and didn't say anything about. We never talked about it but she knew there was something between me and him. She never asked me anything about it, I don't know if she could really think it was over, she knew we were seeing each other. But she didn't care and she did what she did. Only after doing that she asked him about me and he told her we had this relationship but he lied and told her it was over cause he didn't want her to feel bad about it.
He really feels bad for what he did to both of us so he told me the truth and asked me not to say anything to her, cause she's mad and crazy and she keeps texting him to insult him, she doesn't even want him to write to me, she spies on us, checking our messages.
She clearly knew that something was going on between me and him but, as she said to him when he told her I was really desperate cause I probably found out, she doesn't want to ruin her happiness just because somebody else is sad.
Now I really don't know what to do. Talking to her would only make things worse, he is a mess and he even started to think about suicide, I keep talking to him because, even if I'm mad at him, he's the only one who really cares about me and he's helping me with all the other stuff that's going on in my life and we really need each other, at least as friends. But I hate this. I must share the bedroom with her, I want to move out but I can't, so I have to see her face every day and I just hate her. Because I know that she just didn't care about me, even if she wasn't sure she could have just asked, instead she decided to do what was best for her and what she knew would have crushed me. And now she's also trying to make him feel worse than he already feels, when he clearly told her it was nothing serious between them, because she wants to hurt him. She just keeps hurting people and cares only about herself. She knew she couldn't have what she wanted from him, but she decided to take it anyway, even if she knew she was hurting someone else.
I hate her and I have to pretend that nothing happened, but it's been two months and I'm just feeling worse, I really don't know what I should do. I have to live with her at least until october, I can't stand other six months like this.
@BlackWater
From reading your post, I'd take great caution with this guy. In spite of what he claims, only rely on what you are absolutely certain of. The story with this girl sounds fishy to me, and there is a lot of blame on her as being overly dramatic and obsessive. Are you sure this is fact and that you have the full story? Be wary...
@TrueArrow
Of course I can't be sure I have the full story, but I've been feeling paranoid for months and now I just try to trust myself. I know both of them pretty well. She hurts people, she did it before, she did it with people she called "best friends", that's why I am blaming her so much. I know she doesn't care much about other people. She saw me crying every day and never once asked me if something was wrong, she knew I had other problems and that he was helping me with them and she told him to stop talking to me and helping me.
I still don't know how much I can trust him, but at least he said he was sorry (and I know him well enough to know that this is true), he showed regret, and I am a forgiving person, I give second chances to people who matters to me. He really cares about me, he helped me in so many ways before and after this happened, so even if he hurt me I am trying not to lose him, because there is a big friendship between the two of us and I hope we will be able to sort things out in some way. It will take time, I am being cautious, but I have to try.
@BlackWater I know it must be tough living with your roommate since you both have history with the same guy. Do you talk much to each other? It must feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time - it sounds stressful. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Please know that you are not alone. It sounds like he has made some mistakes. Have you tried to talk to her about it? Are you and the guy just friends now? It sounds complicated, but you are strong, you will get through this - please know that I am here for you. if you need to chat you can message me directly. Take care. xo
@calidescopeheart
I haven't talked to her about it, at first I tried at least to make basic conversation with her, sometimes I even tried to be nice to her, but now I can't. I feel so angry all the time. Now our conversations are "Hi" -"Hi" and "Do you have something to put in the washing machine?", period. And sometimes even that can be hard. I really can't forgive her.
With him I tried to make the relationship work anyway, but I couldn't. I need time to think about it, so right now we're trying to be friends, just friends. He's very busy because he has to study for some exams and he works too, so we can't see each other much and I think it's best for now. We both have a lot to think about, I don't want to rush things and make decisions right now.
Thank you for your nice words, if I have some time and I need to chat I will contact you.
I've moved your thread to the Friendships section.